Choose Yourself: A Valentine’s Day Practice

Here’s what most people don’t know about Valentine’s Day: it started as an act of rebellion.

In 3rd-century Italy, Emperor Claudius decided that single men made better soldiers than married ones. So he outlawed marriage. Young men were forbidden to commit to the women they loved—all to make the army stronger.

Enter Valentine, a Roman priest who said, essentially, “No.” He continued performing marriages in secret. Love, he believed, was more powerful than empire. More sacred than war. And he was willing to risk everything for it.

He was imprisoned for it. And the legend goes that he and the jailer’s daughter exchanged love notes—reminding people that love is an act of courage, especially when the world tries to crush it.

Fast forward to medieval France and England, where a beautiful ritual emerged: a single man would draw a woman’s name from an urn and commit to caring for her for an entire year. He would literally wear a heart on his sleeve—yes, that’s where the expression comes from—as a public declaration of his devotion.
This wasn’t just romance. It was sacred commitment. The practice of showing up, day after day, for another soul.

When Valentine’s Day Feels Lonely

But here’s the reality for so many of us: Valentine’s Day has become one of the loneliest days of the year.

We’ve been sold a fantasy—roses at ridiculous prices, impossible restaurant reservations, Instagram-perfect romance. We wait for someone else to make us feel special, to prove we’re worthy of love. And if we’re single, or in a relationship that doesn’t match the fairy tale, we feel the weight of what’s missing.

I want to tell you something: You are not what’s missing.

The Most Important Commitment You’ll Ever Make

This year, I’m inviting you to do something different. Something that actually honors the spirit of Valentine—the courage to love when everything tells you not to.

Become your own beloved.

I know how that sounds. We live in a culture that tells us self-love is selfish, that focusing on ourselves is indulgent. But here’s what I’ve learned after 25 years of this work:

Self-love isn’t selfish. It’s foundational.

When we treat ourselves as precious, we stop abandoning ourselves. We stop waiting for someone else to fill us up. And here’s the thing—when we’re full, we have so much more to give. To our partners, our children, our friends, our communities. Our ability to receive love makes us more able to pass that love on.

A Valentine’s Day Ritual: Commit to Yourself

So this year, instead of waiting for someone to choose you, choose yourself.

Here’s a simple ritual to make Valentine’s Day about the relationship that matters most—the one you have with yourself.

Create Sacred Space

Light a candle. Play music that moves you. Burn some sage or your favorite incense. (I personally use my magical Love Spray). Make the space feel intentional. You’re preparing for a ceremony.

Ground Into Your Body

Place your hand on your heart. Take three deep breaths. Feel your heartbeat—this faithful companion that’s been with you through everything. Thank your body for carrying you.

Speak Your Commitment

This is the heart of the ritual. Read this vow aloud, slowly. Let yourself feel the words:

A Sacred Vow to Myself

On this day, I make a sacred promise to my own soul:

I vow to always be there for myself—
in times of sickness and times of health,
in times of joy and times of sorrow.

I promise to love myself completely,
to speak to myself with compassion,
to console myself when life feels hard,
to encourage myself to step fully into my potential,
to be truthful and honest with myself,
and to cherish this life I’ve been given.

I am worthy of love—not because of what I do or how I look,
but simply because I exist.

I am enough. I have always been enough.

I commit to honoring this truth for as long as I shall live.

Seal Your Vow With Action

After speaking your commitment, do something that honors it.

Cook yourself a beautiful meal. Take yourself on a date—a movie, a museum, a walk in nature. Get a massage. Buy yourself flowers (seriously, why wait for someone else?). Spend time with friends who lift you up. Take a class you’ve been wanting to try. Or simply rest without guilt.

The key is this: Treat yourself the way you would treat someone you deeply love.

Making It a Practice

Here’s the truth: Self-love isn’t a one-time event. It’s a daily practice.

When you catch yourself in negative self-talk, pause. Place your hand on your heart. Remember your vow.

When you’re exhausted and want to push through, pause. Ask yourself: What would love do right now?

When you’re tempted to abandon yourself for someone else’s approval, pause. Come back home to yourself.

This is the work. This is the practice. And it changes everything.

Because when we love ourselves, we stop waiting for permission to live fully. We stop shrinking to make others comfortable. We stop betraying ourselves in small and big ways.

We become the person Valentine risked everything for—someone who chooses love even when the world says no.

 

© Copyright 2026 Barbara Biziou. All Rights Reserved.