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Being Present

by KD Farris, Ph.D.

HESHE and The Third Bird

An excerpt from MESHE, HESHE, MISON & ORBIT: What My Grandmother Taught Me About the Universe

In the world of relationships, the best navigator, I have found, is the understanding that our relationships take place in the space between ourselves and others.


In the excerpt below, Grandmother is teaching Kaydee what it means to be in MESHE and still lose herself in love. Her plight, at thirteen, is no different than what any of us experience throughout our lives. We struggle to maintain self in the face of others, and to understand just what is happening when we loose balance, as a relationship takes on more power than our own lives.

Next month Iíll include a special section for anyone who has questions about how to apply these new concepts to your current relationships. To have your questions answered, email me at Info@MESHE.com.

Happy Valentines Day!

* * * * *

          "Strengthen your HESHE. Complete your circle."

          "What circle, Grandmother?"

          "The circle you make with others. Lie back and Iíll show you what I mean."

          I was so happy to get to see Grandmother again, I stood waiting on the dock at the end of the ramp which bridged her ship to my excited body. People hurried all around, many almost as excited as I to see their cherished missed ones. Finally I saw her face come to the top of the ramp and I let out a big squeal which I thought Grandmother would surely recognize, when a giant man stepped in front of me and blocked not only my view but the sound as well. I squirmed around to get out from behind him, leaning to one side, then the other, but he was so big, no matter where I moved to, he was still in the way. When I finally got out from behind him, Grandmother had come down the ramp already.

          "Here I am!" she said, the voice of my heart speaking clearly from behind. I turned around to see Grandmotherís penetrating eyes and delicate eyebrows before me. She had a suitcase in each hand and the most inviting smile.

          "Grandmother!" I wrapped my growing body around her and she felt a little smaller to me.

          "Either Iím shrinking or youíre growing!" she said, as I draped several leis around her neck and kissed her cheeks from side to side.

          I didnít stop talking during the whole taxi ride to Grandmotherís. I wanted to tell her everything about my day on top of Mahalo Hill. I was so excited, and my words ran so fast together, that she had to do something to calm me so I could complete at least one of my thoughts or sentences and she could complete any of hers.

          When we got to her house, she put her bags down inside and walked me out to the back lawn, where she invited me to lie down in her lap facing up toward the sun. Grandmother stroked my long dark hair and then the back of my hands. She brushed my bangs back, put my hair behind my ears, and drew her fingers ever so lightly across my eyebrows until I lay in her lap as a well-loved cat, perfectly content.

          "Go back to when you were sitting on the ground at the baseball game," she said, "just before you noticed the MESHE Skirt."

          "I remember feeling like I was in that very special place you talk about. The special place that is me. . . ."

          I could feel it all so strongly. I was sitting off on my own, up on the hill, thinking how cute John Beach was, but enjoying being separate from him. I was swaying to the music in my head, feeling like I was on top of the world. I felt good from the inside of me, not because of where I was or what I was doing, and that made what I was doing feel all the better.

          "I was in MESHE, Grandmother, MESHE. Just like you have taught me."

          Then I noticed how beautiful my surroundings were, how the trees were swaying over my head, and the birds were doing their bird thing. . . .

          "The birds!" I exclaimedóand loudly. "I remember thinking that they were in MESHE, too. How they looked as serene as I felt and how they played together so perfectly in the air, like each knew where the other was going . . . like they were connected. I thought it was a kind of animal sense . . . and, then . . . I thought I noticed the sky around them get more intense in color and . . . well . . . sort of shimmer. Let me think about it a minute."

          While I lay in her lap, I put myself back on the hill, remembering in more and more detail what had happened. Grandmother continued stroking my face and head. Every now and then sheíd pick up the strands of my hair and run her fingers through, massaging and feeling, then replacing them gently in long wavy patterns on my shoulders, my arms or in her lap. Every sense I had was opening. I got to where I could be both in Grandmotherís hands and in my memory at the same time, with such detail. So I lay and spoke out loud to her everything I saw and felt.

          "The birds are flying over the baseball field. . . . I am sitting on the ground. . . . They seem to be aware of everything, but up thereóunaffected by it. Iím wishing I could be like the birds."

          I was voicing thoughts that at the time I was mostly unaware I was having, but at that moment, recalling as I was, I remembered each thought exactly. It was like time was slowing down so much, I could capture everything I felt and thought and saw. I carried on reporting it all to Grandmother.

          "The birds are really doing a dance . . . they are right over my head flying toward each other, now they are flying apart. Away and back, away and back. The sky looks . . . itís very, very blue."

          I couldnít believe what I was seeing. The blue color in the air was not stagnant at all, but full of life. As the birds flew back and forth, together and apart, this soft sparkly substance began to grow between them. The birds were playing with each other by playing with the space in the middle, the space that was filled with this magic dust. At first I thought they were looking down at me and then at each other. Then

          I noticed that they were not looking at each other at all, but at the space between them where the blue stuff was gathering, so I looked just at the blue, too, and thatís when I saw. . . .

          "They are making another bird, Grandmother, a great big blue shimmering bird!"

          It looked like they took this liquid glitter that formed in between their bodies, and weaved it together with everything around them into a beautiful mosaic made of cloud, tree, sky, and sparkling neon blue. The treetops were placed exactly in the right spot to give the illusion of being the birdsí feet, the streaking clouds across the sky mixed with the iridescent blue shine to make up the wings and body, and a plane flew by just in the right moment to fill a spot in the head so that the bird had eyes. As the plane continued on, the bird moved with it across the sky until its feet disappeared and its tail could no longer be seen. Its wings closed up and it became just the afternoon sky again. When it had gone, the birds flew to each other, almost touching, and then flew away.

          Grandmother spoke.

          "What they do alone is MESHE," she said, "but what they do togetheróthat is HESHE."


          "HESHE," she nodded and took one last piece of my hair, placing it in a final pattern somewhere between my shoulder and her lap. "It goes on all the time. We complete our circles by relating to others, but how we do that and what effect that has on ourselves and on others depends on how strong our MESHE is. In your relationship with your friend John Beach, your HESHE is suffering because your MESHE has become weak. Now in order for your MESHE to become strong again, you will need to remember to Seek the Space, which will also develop your HESHE. Strengthen your HESHE and complete your circle.

          I was so relaxed that Grandmotherís words skipped my thoughts entirely, and went directly into my body. When she said complete your circle, I saw an image of myself sitting in my room unhappy, waiting for John Beach to call. I became aware of how incomplete I had been feeling the last few months.

          "I have been feeling very incomplete, Grandmother. And I feel like John Beach will complete me."

          "Yes, my sweet excited teenager, I know that is how you feel. That is what it can feel like to be around others and have a weak MESHE. It can feel like another will complete you, but only your MESHE can complete you. When you walk into a room with John Beach, there are two of you there, right?"

          "Right," I said.

          "So there better be two MESHEs there!" she exclaimed. "The feeling of completion you are looking for comes from a strong HESHE and it is a wonderful feeling."

          I knew what Grandmother was talking about. It was the difference between how I had gotten used to feeling since I met John Beach, and the way I felt that day on Mahalo Hill. On Mahalo Hill I was back in MESHE again. I remembered having good feelings about John, but also enjoying being separate from him. In fact, what Grandmother was talking about was exactly what happened. Everyone in the park was in their own MESHE, and yet they were all playing together and having a good time. Seeing John Beach, and being in MESHE at the same time, allowed me to enjoy the day and the other people around the park, too. I was very complete! If I hadnít been in MESHE, I never would have seen the birds.

          "In HESHE," Grandmother continued explaining, "you enjoy not only the strength and uniqueness of your own MESHE, but the MESHE of others, too."

          "So it is my MESHE that gives me the feeling that I am complete, and good relationships that build my HESHE and complete the circle?" I asked.

          "Yes. And the circle goes all the way around the worldóit does not stop at John Beach. It is how all of us relate all the time, everywhere. It is how you and I relate right now."

          "And itís how all of us were at the park, too. Everyone in their own MESHE, sharing and playing together, but being themselves at the same time. . . . So that was HESHE? Wow, Grandmother, HESHE is fun!"

          "Yes, Kaydee," Grandmother laughed, "HESHE is fun!"

          "Tell me more!"

          "Okay," she smiled, "the first thing I would tell you about HESHE is to Seek the Space, and when you watched the birds, that is exactly what you did."

          "The Space?"

          "Yes. You even said so yourself. When you were watching the birdsí HESHE, you saw the Space between them shimmering, and the Third Bird is what they created together in that Space. What is important to know is that the Space is what allows you to be with others, and only in the Space do you experience relationship. Completing your circle is nothing more than being in MESHE when you are with others, and Seeking the Space between you while you are together. That is what HESHE is all about."

          "I understand!"

          "One more thing," she added, "did you notice how cooperative the birds were in order to make such a large and beautiful bird?"

          "I did. It was like they knew exactly where the other was going, as if they had built that bird before. Had they?"

          "Probably not," she answered, "but they were able to do so because in HESHE, everything that is created is created in agreement by all. Everything that you find in your relationship with another person, you will also find that you had some kind of agreement in creating. The stronger your MESHE, the easier it is to experience this truth."

          "Wow Grandmother, Iíll have to think about that."

          "Take your time. You have the rest of your life!" She broke out laughing, and her convulsions jiggled my whole body, which started me laughing, too.

          When we finally calmed down, I asked, "Is the Space always blue and shimmering?"

          "It can be made of anything or nothing at all," she said. "The birds gave you a priceless gift. They created a picture for you to see so you will always know to look to the Space for what is filling it. And remember this!" She grabbed my arms and gave me a big scare. I was shocked by how loud and quick she spoke and how hard she poked me. I was afraid of what she was going to say next. "Sometimes, Nothing will be filling the Space, and you must know that Nothing is there."

          I looked at her from my fright, but she smiled calmly back at me, and reassured, I leaned into her as pleasure slowly filled me up. I was floating in my skin, deeply feeling something both strange and wonderful. There was a sensation in my belly that was strong and solid, my feet felt warm and big, my arms and legs tingly and vibrant. I knew we were basking in the same shimmering, sparkling Space that I had seen in the sky with the birds. I didnít have to open my eyes. I knew it was there.

          "I think Iím getting good at this, Grandmother."

          I didnít have to open my eyes to know she agreed, either. I understood now with my whole body. I finally did open one eye to peek at what I was feeling, just in time to catch Grandmother winking at me through the sparkly pink lavender haze that was the Space she and I were creating. Through a relaxed half-opened and smiling pair of lips, I gently reached out to Grandmother with a final and most profound question.

          "Where is the Space between you and me when we are not together, Grandmother?"

          She gave to me an even more final and profound answer. . . .

          "The same place it is when we are together," she said.

© Copyright KD Farris, Ph.D.. All Rights Reserved.


Read KD's Past Columns:

December 2001 - "Manifesting Your Perfect Partner with Personal Truthz"

November 2001 - "Remembering What We Already Know"

September 2001 - "Be Led By What You Are Trying to Avoid"

August 2001 - "Draw Your Way to Clarity, Health & Balance"

June 2001 - "Tending to the Negative Mind"

May 2001 - "Gentle Conscious Living"

April 2001 - "MISON and The Moment"

March 2001 - "The MESHE Concept - A Path to Soulful Living"



KD Farris, Ph.D. is a successful counselor, healer, and bodyworker. For more than twenty years she has taught extensive workshops based on MESHE, HESHE, MISON & ORBIT as well as many other self-discovery topics.

KD began developing her integrated bodywork and counseling techniques in 1983 under the tutelage of many prominent doctors and healers throughout the United States.

Her education into the spiritual and physical aspects of the human experience served as the foundation for her private practice and the development of a new philosophy. She combined her techniques into four guiding principles, which she shares in her book, MESHE, HESHE, MISON & ORBIT: What My Grandmother Taught Me About the Universe. She teaches a companion workshop series, where she creates an interactive environment demonstrating the material from her book with tangible, life altering effects. In these workshops, individuals discover a deepening of their relationship to self, others, and life itself.

Through individual counseling and group workshops, she has taught her results-oriented programs to many different types of people including those confined to mental institutions, substance and food abusers, and generally, people in life transitions, struggling with intimate relationships, or who lack direction in their lives. Visit www.kdfarris.com.

KD is currently touring a new body of work, Talking About People in Transition, Also Known As Liminal Space. She will be writing about liminality and its relevance to day-to-day living in upcoming issues of Soulful Living. For more information on this new and exciting topic, or to learn about more her private practice, workshops and lectures, visit www.kdfarris.com.

Contact KD at: info@MESHE.com

Visit KD at Her Website:


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