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Being Present

by KD Farris, Ph.D.

Manifesting Your Perfect Partner with Personal Truthz

Last week, I introduced the workshop title, Finding Your Perfect Mate, to my weekly MESHE Group classes and, oh what a stir arose! I laugh at myself now, but I truly was surprised to see how popular demystifying the process of finding a life partner could be.


Iíve been married for awhile, and I admit Iíd forgotten the challenging years of wanting to have a meaningful relationship and getting short-lived disappointments instead. After seeing the group members' excited faces, I remembered that point in my life when I realized that my failed relationships were equal to that which I did not yet know about myself.

What was good about the short-lived relationships was that they helped to show me who I really was. What was less than desirable, however, was that they also brought with them some rather complicated situations and often painful lessons for myself and my partners. So I set out on a new path to pursue my perfect mate by finding my Personal Truthz.

Personal Truthz is the knowledge we all have about ourselves, revealed and unjudged. If you think about Personal Truthz as an invisible room filled with invisible furniture, and you then imagine yourself navigating through this room, youíll get a good idea of what it is to explore and discover your Personal Truthz. Itís a lot of bumping around! Bump into a table once and remember it. Donít remember it and youíll bump into it again.

So, letís say we choose to remember a table and a chair we bumped into in the back left corner of the invisible room, and that we do so by throwing a sheet on top of them both. Now, when we enter the room we clearly see that there is a chair in the far corner with a small table beside it. Think of the chair and table as something true about yourself, and the sheet as your decision to take responsibility for that information.

This is what it means to be in the process of finding our Personal Truthz - detecting, and then owning, the otherwise invisible landscape of our own individual truth.

The process of finding out what is true for us is a prayer in-and-of itself. A prayer filled with patience and confession. Manifestation is the result of that prayer and begins when we allow the truth of what we really want and need to be revealed. Standing in the truth of what we know about ourselves creates the magnetism necessary for material things to collect and form.

We can use our will to create what we think we want in life, but often those creations turn into powerful disappointments. If we slow down and relax a little bit, we can take our time and use our heart and truth to create that which is lasting and satisfying for us. Applying our Personal Truthz to our Lifetime Dreams & Goals is the one-two punch for happiness!

So, letís say that finding a life partner is one of our Lifetime Dreams & Goals, and we want to apply Personal Truthz to finding our perfect mate.

If you combine a high degree of compatibility with love and a shared path, you will have the makings for a long, wondrous partnership. The following Compatibility List was taught to me by my meditation teacher who uses it as the measuring stick for the referred to "high degree of compatibility." Many good teachers have written such lists, but this one is my personal favorite.

Making a Compatibility List can be a confusing task. For years, I, and everyone else I knew, tended to write down some bizarre, idealized version of ourselves where we were super committed, super disciplined and superhuman. For months, page after page of "the person weíd be if we could be a perfect person" came pouring out of all of us!

The idea that any one of us could have lived with such a person is very funny now. But at the time we were not experiencing the truth about ourselves, and thus the traits we would find compatible. We were, instead, still believing that we had to perfect ourselves in order to be loved.

So letís get in touch with our Personal Truthz and check out this list!

Compatibility List
Practical Information
Personal Interests
Health Practices
Philosophical & Moral Attitudes
Educational Background
Social Style
Spiritual & Religious Interests
Love Style
Professional & Financial Goals

All right, Iím going to tackle the politically incorrect category of Practical Information. This area includes age, gender, height, body type, coloring, all those things that, for the most part, people cannot change.

Envision your ideal mate and think about these details in terms of what works for you - what really works for you, and what does not. This is not a judgment against others, it is a confession about yourself.

In a perfect world, what do you really want? What do you really need? What really matters to you, and what does not? This is the time and place to say to yourself, "coloring, height and body type of are of no consequence to me." It is the time and place to admit to yourself that, "I like deep black eyes, curly black hair, and men with broad shoulders." The time to confess that you need to be with someone of or about your own age. That younger than you is not what you need. That younger than you is just what you need. Or that age is of no consequence.

The answers to these questions are your Personal Truthz. The admission of your Truthz is the prayer sent out into the Universe and the means by which the process of manifestation begins. So, give thanks now for all that is coming your way.

I remember trying to put "a full head of thick hair" onto my list and realizing that, while I enjoyed playing with my boyfriendís hair, it was not a priority. However, I discovered that having someone taller than me was. I am a big person and I like a lot of room around myself, but Iíd tended to date men shorter, smaller, or the same size as me. I realized that if I had my druthers, Iíd prefer tall, substantially sized partners. And guess what? After I admitted that to myself, I began to meet and date taller, more physically commanding men.

Remember, the purpose here is not to indulge all your superficial ideas of a perfect mate, but to confess to yourself what you really want, need, and desire. Donít judge your answers! Believe me, if Mr. or Ms. Right comes along with a 90% hit rate on your Compatibility List, and they have brown hair instead of red, youíll be just fine - and, more to the point, the reason you will be fine is because you are conscious of this fact, and not because you are unconscious of it.

Be daring, be truthful and be aware. Notice what you find important and what you donít, and write those Personal Truthz down.

Go through all of the categories in this way, allowing yourself to tell the secrets of your preferences in a safe, protected place. And donít be afraid of what might materialize as a result! I remember when I was unable to put "full head of hair" on my list how frightened I became envisioning a square bald head across the breakfast table every morning for the rest of my life!

And yet, my truth had nothing to do with my fears. Rather, it had everything to do with what was and was not important to me. Let this process be about manifesting with your Personal Truthz and seeing what kind of world that brings to your door.

When you write down your answers, set them aside for a day or two, and when you come back to them, cross out anything that does not honestly portray the "you" that is living today. Tend to this list before, during, and after new relationships. When a relationship fails, use the knowledge to add more  clarity to your list. If finding a compatible mate is truly one of your goals, then let this list be a part of your total movement in life.

Manifesting your perfect mate is a process that begins with you discovering your Personal Truthz. Manifesting any of your wants, needs and desires will begin the same way. Take the chances in life that you want, and embark on them with a Personal Truthz inventory of how you feel, what you want, and what you need. Be it a job, a relocation, or a deeper understanding of the world, your path to materializing your deepest desires lies in the admission of what you know to be true.

May you have a safe and wondrous holiday! And may all your prayers and wishes manifest in the upcoming New Year!

© Copyright 2001 KD Farris, Ph.D..

Read KD's Past Columns:

November 2001 - "Remembering What We Already Know"

September 2001 - "Be Led By What You Are Trying to Avoid"

August 2001 - "Draw Your Way to Clarity, Health & Balance"

June 2001 - "Tending to the Negative Mind"

May 2001 - "Gentle Conscious Living"

April 2001 - "MISON and The Moment"

March 2001 - "The MESHE Concept - A Path to Soulful Living"


KD Farris, Ph.D. is a successful counselor, healer, and bodyworker. For more than twenty years she has taught extensive workshops based on MESHE, HESHE, MISON & ORBIT as well as many other self-discovery topics.

KD began developing her integrated bodywork and counseling techniques in 1983 under the tutelage of many prominent doctors and healers throughout the United States.

Her education into the spiritual and physical aspects of the human experience served as the foundation for her private practice and the development of a new philosophy. She combined her techniques into four guiding principles, which she shares in her book, MESHE, HESHE, MISON & ORBIT: What My Grandmother Taught Me About the Universe. She teaches a companion workshop series, where she creates an interactive environment demonstrating the material from her book with tangible, life altering effects. In these workshops, individuals discover a deepening of their relationship to self, others, and life itself.

Through individual counseling and group workshops, she has taught her results-oriented programs to many different types of people including those confined to mental institutions, substance and food abusers, and generally, people in life transitions, struggling with intimate relationships, or who lack direction in their lives. Visit www.kdfarris.com.

KD is currently touring a new body of work, Talking About People in Transition, Also Known As Liminal Space. She will be writing about liminality and its relevance to day-to-day living in upcoming issues of Soulful Living. For more information on this new and exciting topic, or to learn about more her private practice, workshops and lectures, visit www.kdfarris.com.

Contact KD at: info@MESHE.com

Visit KD at Her Website:


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