by Robin L. Silverman
"I donít know what to do," Marie* (name
changed) pined. "Iíve tried every diet
imaginable, and I still canít lose weight. Iím sick
of the limitations, the fear, and the frustration."
I suggested that Marie stop doing what sheíd
already done, since she wanted something different than
what she had already gotten. Repeating past approaches
just creates similar results, and if those arenít
pleasing, then itís time to try something new.
Instead, I suggested that Marie approach her weight
fullisticallyô. Fullisticsô is
the art and science of complete mind, body and spirit
integration so that you can move forward in life without
stressful resistance within or outside yourself. Itís
a method that combines universal laws with our inner
gifts so we can live happier, healthier, more fearless
lives. It works for weight loss, in relationships, at
work, and in many other ways.
Fullisticô living begins with the heart. In order
to move forward, Marie has to clarify how
she would love to be. Her past experience focused on what
she wanted to be, like size 8 or 130 pounds. Fullisticô
change begins by listening to your heart, and
acknowledging that yes, there is something wonderful
that is yours alone that you were born to express.
Like many others, Marie found it difficult to
identify how she wanted to be. So I suggested that she
begin at the beginning, with the values she treasured
most. She identified honesty, responsibility and loving
as her top three. These, she said, would make her feel
peaceful and radiant.
I then explained that it was necessary to align those
values with her thoughts, words and actions concerning
her life, not her weight. She found this curious, and
asked, "How can I lose weight if I donít focus
all my attention on it?" I explained that quantum
physicists proved decades ago that whatever we pay
attention to expands. The very act of observation draws
energy to the observed subject, increasing its mass. So
it didnít matter if she wanted to lose fat. By
focusing on the fat, it was like she was invisibly
gluing it to her body.
To help her understand this concept, I asked,
"What happens when you stop paying attention to the
gas gauge in your car?" It eventually runs out of
gas, she replied. "And what happens if you donít
water your plants?" She nodded. "They
die." I tried one more. "And if you donít
work on your relationships?" She laughed. "I
just broke up with my boyfriend over this one!"
"So you see?" I said. "If you ignore
something, it will eventually go away."
"Not true!" she countered. "Iíve
tried ignoring my weight, and it went up."
"Then you werenít ignoring it," I said.
"You were noticing that it went up."
Before she could argue the point further, I
explained, "Shifting your attention from your
weight to your life is just the first step. The next is
finding what you want to fill the void. Remember: this
living. Think full, complete, whole,
I pulled out the paper with her values. "Are you
always honest?" I asked.
"Oh, yes!" she replied vigorously. "I
I raised on eyebrow. "Even to yourself?"
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"What feels good to you?" I asked.
She smiled. "Flopping on the couch after
"Does that make you feel good, or does that just
give you some temporary relief from your stress?"
"Hmmm," she answered. "I never thought
about it that way."
"I bet you end up feeling bad that you didnít
do more after dinner," I said.
"Sometimes," she said with her head down.
"But Iím tired!"
"No excuses," I said. "Tell me about
something that you enjoy so much that you donít care
what time it is."
Again, she thought. "I love watching sunsets. I
could sit and stare at them forever."
"And when was the last time you did that?"
She shrugged. "When I went to Hawaii two years
"Then youíre not being honest, are you?"
"What do you mean?"
"If you were honest with yourself, you would
admit that you love watching sunsets so much that you
wished you could do it all the time."
"OK, fine. I wish I could do it all the time.
But I canít."
"Because I donít have time."
"No, you do have time," I said. "Itís
just that now, youíre using it to faint on the couch
because youíre so exhausted."
"But thatís because I work such long
hours!" she said angrily. "What am I supposed
to do about THAT?"
"I donít know," I said. "Because I
donít know your work situation. But didnít you also
say that responsibility was one of your values?"
"Then are you really being responsible to
yourself by continuing a situation that keeps you from
something you know makes you peaceful, relaxed and
"What about my responsibility to pay the rent or
to be responsible to others?"
"Fine. But it appears that all this
responsibility is making you resentful. The key lies in
your third value: loving. You need to be loving towards
others while keeping a loving balance with
Marie eventually came to see that there was a
Fullisticô disconnect between between what she valued
and how she was living. Further, she was saying that she
truly enjoyed one thing while doing another after
dinner. Being honest, she could see that her actions
denied her feelings, and her speech was often negative,
reflecting the breech. Plus, she was beginning to have
symptoms of a bad back, even though she didnít need to
do any heavy lifting at work. She had chalked this up to
her extra weight, but then realized that again, she wasnít
being honest with herself.
As a manager at a local nursing home, she was
responsible for covering shifts of workers who didnít
show up, often forcing her to work double shifts.
Although she first saw this as responsible to her
employer, she realized that it was compromising her
physical health and peace of mind to the point where her
anger and resentment put her in jeopardy. So she went
and asked for a "demotion" to an hourly
position so she could gain more control over her time.
Soon, she found herself taking walks after dinner to
watch the sunset. Sometimes one of her friends joined
her, but she also enjoyed the time alone. When summer
came, she took a camera with her, and started taking
photographs of the twilight. After spending more time
outdoors, she grew interested in learning more about the
birds she could hear singing on her adventures. She
signed up for an adult education class one night a week,
meeting other bird enthusiasts who suggested other hikes
they could take.
One year later, Marie looked like a different woman.
Her weight had dropped substantially, although even she
said, "I have no idea how much. I just live my life
now, and I donít worry about the scale. I feel great,
and my doctor says that my numbers have never looked
better. I donít worry about food, either. I eat when Iím
hungry, which is not nearly as much now that Iím Ďfullí
on my life. I even eat desserts now and then!"
Best of all, "I can always tell now if something
Iím saying, thinking or doing is going against what I
truly value. I get this little pain in my neck that
says, ĎThat thought is really a pain in the neck!í
So instead of saying something like, ĎI canít do
that,í I say, ĎI canít do that right now, but I
can see that others can, and if itís truly important
to me, eventually I will learn how to do it, too.í"
Marie still works a full schedule at the nursing
home. She is beloved by the residents for her gentle,
loving manner. She now loves her work, and has taken
special delight in sharing her photographs and
adventures with her residents and colleagues.
Living Fullisticallyô means living fully as both a
human being and as a spiritual one. Itís a matter of
aligning what you know to be right and good with the
power you have to create your life inwardly, outwardly,
and with the help of the invisible quantum field that
serves us all every time we focus thoughts, words and
actions through our emotions.
To continue to move forward Fullisticallyô, youíll
want to identify your highest values, and ask how they
can serve others. Explore values that you believe will
add to your own well-being, which in turn will aid the
comfort, freedom and well-being of others. Read. Attend
classes. Talk to others. Try to open one new door every
day while you use your present experiences to build on
what pleases you and change what doesnít.
The joy of Fullisticô living is that you never feel
stuck. Instead, you sense you are well-planted here on
earth, divinely connected, gloriously free from the
opinions of others or from any desire to judge or change
them. So the next time you find yourself treading water
with the "same old" problem, make a Fullisticô
shift. You wonít be the only one who is glad you did.
© Copyright 2004 Robin L. Silverman. All Rights Reserved.
Robin L. Silverman is the author of the forthcoming book,
"Fullistic Livingô." She is also the author of "The Ten Gifts" and "Something
Wonderful is About to Happen." T
TO "FEATURES" PAGE