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Mindfulness + Gratitude
= Graceful Living
by Bret S. Beall |
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I live my life with intention, purpose and mindfulness.
I also live my life with frequent, almost constant
expressions of gratitude. To me, this is what graceful
living is all about. Mindfulness and gratitude.
Let’s begin with some definitions, so that we’re
all on the same page. First, what IS
"graceful"? In my vernacular,
"graceful" connotes beauty, ease and elegance.
What about "mindfulness"? To me, this is
attentiveness, awareness, intention and purpose.
Finally, what is "gratitude"? I use it in the
context of thankfulness and appreciation.
How do we achieve this life of beauty and ease,
highlighted by attentiveness, awareness, intent, purpose
and thankfulness? Part of it is "chance," or
serendipity, or synchronicity: if you are not already
living a graceful life, you have
"accidentally" encountered, and are reading
this article, and a light bulb goes off in your head as
you have an "aha" moment. Part of it is, well,
by intent, when you make a conscious decision that you
are going to begin to live more gracefully, because your
life just isn’t working the way you want it to or
believe it should.
I have been truly blessed throughout my life, though
I must admit that I didn’t always recognize it. In
many ways, I was not a "mainstream" child, or
adolescent (and certainly not a "mainstream"
adult). I was not always comfortable marching to my own
drummer when I was younger, but looking back, I can see
that this was yet another blessing. I truly had no
choice but to follow my bliss, and this bliss changed
over time!
As a child, I had the opportunity to experience the
ocean, and all of its inhabitants. I visited the redwood
forests and stood in awe of these might trees. I
experienced farm life, and city life, and suburban life.
Some were better than others. Most of the time (but not
always), I was aware and mindful of being
"different" somehow, and I knew that my Path
would be unconventional. I also knew it would not be
determined by societal conventions or expectations.
While walking my Path, I have realized that not
everyone walks his/her own Path with intention and
purpose. Some (too many) seem to stumble along. Once we
realize that this is what we are doing, we can
intentionally stop the stumbling, and engage in mindful,
grateful, graceful advancement along our Path.
Sometimes I hear people offer excuses for not living
gracefully. "I don’t have time." "I don’t
have the money." "I don’t know how." As
with so many of the finer things, graceful living
requires no time, no money, and only a tiny bit of
special knowledge. It does require confidence. It does
require the willingness to empower oneself, without
waiting for someone else to bestow power. It requires
being mindful, purposeful, and intentional, as well as
being thankful and grateful.
One area where I help people live more gracefully is
décor. Clients and potential clients have contacted me
stating that they want the absolute "key" to
the perfect home design. They usually have something in
mind from a TV show or a magazine, or they have heard of
some ancient tradition that is supposed to provide the
answer to all of their problems. Currently,
practitioners of feng shui (the Chinese art of
arrangement to enhance "energetic" flow) are
one of the fastest growing segments of home consultants.
The Indian and Japanese equivalents (vaastu and shibumi,
respectively) are catching up fast. My personal interest
was the evidence for biological and psychological
reactions to sensory input, particularly color, shape,
texture, scent, and sound. Over the years, I have
synthesized the commonality of feng shui, vaastu
and shibumi, plus other traditions, as well as
the scientific sensory data, and found that the
commonality of all of them is to decorate your home with
intention, with purpose, with mindfulness. In reality,
the differences or specifics are not so important. The
multitude of rules is irrelevant. The merchandise
recommended by some to enhance your environment borders
on unethical, because it is distracting rather than
enhancing. In general, specific colors and textures and
shapes and aromas are irrelevant. What is important is
the intention with which you decorate your home and
environment. Before doing anything, ask yourself,
"WHY? Why do I want to change the color? Why do I
want to buy new furniture? Why? Why? WHY?" If the
answer isn’t, "To enhance my personal feelings
and my interactions with others," then you are not
living gracefully. Too often, I hear, "I want to
impress my neighbors," or "I saw this in a
book and want to recreate the look at home," or
"I’m bored." It’s YOUR home. If you are
comfortable and happy in your home, your neighbors WILL
be impressed, and it won’t matter if it doesn’t look
like a picture out of a book. And please, don’t get me
started on the overused and misused concept of
"focal point" in home décor … to make a
long story short, the only focal point you need to
consider in home décor is your interaction with other
people in the room, and how that interaction is
enhanced. Good décor and design are about encouraging
relationships and communication. The mindful placement
of personal treasures and comfortable furniture will
lead to a more graceful life for you, your family and
your friends.
Gardening is another area that is supposed to provide
relaxation, refreshment and ambience, but which ends up
creating stress unnecessarily. Sometimes just making the
decision to acquire plants causes stress. Sometimes
uncertainty about their care creates stress. Sometimes,
requisite maintenance creates stress. And sometimes, we
have individuals so infatuated with plants that they
just keep acquiring new plants mindlessly. Plants are
important to our environment because they are
esthetically pleasing, psychologically calming, and
physiologically healing … if selected mindfully.
Acquire plants that are appropriate for a particular
environment, not because some trendy décor magazine
recommended them; most of the plants illustrated in
design magazines will die in the locations in which they
have been placed, so consider them examples of what NOT
to do. Start with only a few plants, until you get the
knack of caring for them. Then add a few more. Having
confidence in your own abilities, or in the abilities of
your consultant/advisor, will help you live more
gracefully.
I also teach and consult on cooking. It turns out
that paying attention to the flavors (being mindful of
what aspects of the recipe represent sweet, sour,
bitter, salty and umami, and adding what is missing)
will allow you to create fabulous recipes. This is not a
new concept. It has been utilized by cultures around the
world, but rarely formalized. Most of the best (not
necessarily the "hottest") celebrity chefs
have an intuitive, if not an explicit, understanding of
this concept. This, coupled with a sense of
experimentation, has led to their creative cuisine. My
goal is to help everyone understand that by paying
attention to some simple guidelines using not only
flavor, but also texture and aroma, can lead to some of
the most delicious meals you have ever prepared at home.
Interestingly, by following these simple guidelines,
your delicious meals will also be some of the healthiest
you could imagine.
One of my favorite diet regimes is The Okinawa
Program, by Dr. Bradley Wilcox, et al.,
because dietary diversity is emphasized (plus, it is one
of the few diets based on sound scientific research; you
would not believe the pseudo-science cited as evidence
for most of the published diets!). Be mindful of the
different types of food that you consume (more is better
in this case!). Forget about Hi Carb vs. Lo Carb vs. Hi
Protein vs. Lo Protein: just eat a bit of everything!
Too much of any one thing is harmful, and too little of
any one thing is harmful. Low fat? Fine, but don’t
make it NO fat, because you’ll end up with vitamin
deficiencies (some vitamins are only oil soluble). Eat a
diversity of food, with a variety of textures, featuring
all five of the "tastes" (sweet, sour, salty,
bitter, umami). Eat slowly, savoring each bite and
chewing it fully. And if you are considering the current
"raw food" trend, just remember that the
"evidence" for this trend is
intellectually-impoverished, so please don’t do it
(some raw food is great, but not exclusively, please)!
Mindless consumption leads to obesity and
dissatisfaction. Mindful consumption leads to
height-proportionate weight, and greater health and
happiness, which in turn leads to gracefulness.
Mindful consumption with some sort of exercise regime
is even better (this is also recommended by The
Okinawa Program)! Personally, I hate exercise for
the sake of exercise. But, I like it when I get exercise
doing other things. I try to do as many of my errands on
foot as possible. I walk, and walk, and walk. I live on
the third floor of a walk-up, and I try to jog up and
down the stairs when I come home, or when I go to the
storage room to do laundry or to retrieve a bottle of
wine, or to dump the trash. My downtime is often spent
wandering through public gardens, or hiking along
Chicago’s lakefront, or strolling through some of my
city’s fantastic ethnic neighborhoods. Sometimes, I go
out dancing. If these activities don’t interest you,
consider taking classes in tai ch’i, or ch’i
kung, or go skiing, or try roller blading or roller
skating. You have so many options.
Mindful consumption can also have even
farther-reaching ramifications. For instance, once you
start preparing your own flavorful meals, you will rely
more and more on fresh ingredients rather than on
pre-packaged food loaded with preservatives, and your
health will improve. You will be able to cultivate your
mindfulness as you slice and dice your ingredients,
improving both your dexterity and eye-hand coordination
(call me crazy, but I’ve enjoyed slicing and dicing
since I first began helping my mother in the kitchen as
a 12-year-old. If you allow it to be, such preparatory
work can be absolutely calming. I promise you: practice
makes perfect!). Soon, you can move on to organic
ingredients, which have not been exposed to artificial
fertilizers or insecticides; while they are not higher
in nutrition, they also do not pollute your body with
these residual artificial substances. And please,
please, PLEASE avoid all genetically-modified (GM) food;
despite what anyone says, there is no evidence that
genetic modification won’t lead to a health, or an
ecological and/or environmental disaster (realize: I’ve
done my doctoral work in evolutionary biology; I
understand both ecology and genetics). Furthermore, your
mindful consumption will have an important effect on the
Earth’s health. Less fertilizer polluting our water
sources. Less insecticide and herbicide contaminating
our bodies and food chain. Such larger scale positive
ramifications are indicative of truly graceful living.
Once you have a handle on mindful dining, you can
move on to mindful entertaining. I’ve already written
about the importance of communication and relationships
in décor. Well, take advantage of your décor by
entertaining more. Invite a few friends in for dinner,
and don’t worry about impressing them. Just prepare
the mindful food that you have mastered, and they will
be thrilled to be part of your environment. Don’t
worry about expensive or exotic ingredients. Don’t
worry about flamboyant and flashy centerpieces; if
anything requires a hot glue gun, it’s unnecessary.
Just concentrate on simple, flavorful food, and you will
have happy guests. Don’t allow yourself to be
intimidated by those "professionals" who
insist you must have special decorations or flash
presentations or multiple courses; you can do all of
this if you wish, but you don’t have to. Just remember
that your friends and family are in your home because
they are your friends and family, and treat them as you
would treat yourself. There is nothing more graceful
than this.
When entertaining, you may also be serving wine. Here’s
a secret: wine tasting is all about paying attention to
what is being tasted. Please, don’t allow yourself to
be intimidated. It isn’t about being snooty, it’s
about being mindful. Think of the Zen tea ceremony. Too
many people think of Zen and immediately go to "ascetism"
or "rules." Really, it’s about mindfulness,
and that leads to gracefulness. I have seen friends go
from uncouth quaffing to graceful gratification by
becoming mindful of the technique and purpose of wine
tasting, and by being encouraged that there is NOTHING
to be intimidated about. Every human being has a unique
palette, and your palette is just as valid as the most
famous wine critic. Once you realize and accept this
fact, you can enjoy wine with confidence, and
gracefulness.
Let’s have a look at "work." We hear so
much about multitasking, and that this is THE way to be
productive. I once thought that. In truth, it is THE way
to become overstressed, perhaps even physically ill. If
you adopt a mindful approach to work, you will not only
be more productive, and more accurate, but you will be
happier, healthier and more harmonious. You will be
working gracefully. When you file, file with intention.
When you write a memo, write with purpose. When you
create a budget, create with awareness. Please, just
give this a try, and see if your results are not better.
See if your product is not appreciated more by others.
See if your own mindset is not healthier, calmer, more
graceful. See.
It’s one thing to talk the talk, and quite another
to walk the walk. But, once you take the first step
toward intention and mindfulness, and thus gracefulness,
a change occurs within you. Suddenly, you see the wonder
of that one act. It just happens. You experience the joy
of that act. Until you have experienced this, you cannot
imagine how good it feels. And then, you become grateful
for the opportunity to experience that act! Now you are
experiencing true Gracefulness.
You may ask, "Grateful to whom?" That’s
YOUR choice. Perhaps, most obviously, you are grateful
to a Supreme Power, a Deity, God, Goddess, The Universe.
In this case, don’t let your prayers be "wish
lists" or, in the words of Saffron to her mother
Edina on Absolutely Fabulous, a "cosmic cash
machine." Instead, make each prayer a statement of
gratitude. And Please don’t limit your gratitude only
to the big things, like love, or a new job, or even an
"A" on an exam. Instead, try being grateful
for little things: "I am grateful for the traffic
light’s changing to help me get to my
destination" (or, "I am grateful for the
traffic light’s NOT changing, giving me a chance to be
calm and reflective." Or, if you drive home without
incident or accident, just say, "Thank you."
Make it a habit. You won’t regret it.).
You may wish to express gratitude to your immediate
friends, family and colleagues. That’s terrific. Are
you where you are today based solely on your own
efforts? Did your parents provide an environment of
nurture? On the other hand, was your family so
dysfunctional that you were further motivated to escape
from that environment and create your own way? Did you
have mentors along the way who took a special interest
in your activities and eventual success? Or, did your
presumed mentors become threatened by your progress, and
sabotage you, thus redirecting you on your Path? Do you
have friends who celebrate every success you achieve,
and enjoy being your friend because of YOU? Or, maybe
you have friends who like to be around you because of
your money or generosity or whatever else they can get
from you, for whom you can be grateful when you finally
wake up and see what is going on? Don’t take anyone
for granted! Be grateful!
Finally, you may wish to express gratitude to all of
those who came before you to make your life what it is
today. One of my favorite quotes is, "If I have
seen further it is by standing on ye shoulders of
Giants" (Sir Isaac Newton, 1676). As a scientist, I
know that no one works in isolation (if they do, the
results tend to be a bit "odd"). We all work
and build on the theory and empiricism of our
predecessors; moving scientific thought forward is an
incremental process. Social change is the same way. I
have a friend who is a young, successful executive. I
knew she had a somewhat more conservative bent than I,
but I was taken aback when one day, describing the theme
of a book she was reading, announced, "I don’t
know why I’m reading THAT book. It’s all about
feminism, and I am SO not a feminist." I looked at
her incredulously, and said, "You have had the
choice and the opportunity to climb the corporate
ladder. You have not been discriminated against because
you are a woman. You have been treated equally, and paid
equally, with all of your male coworkers, so that your
talent and intelligence, rather than your gender, have
allowed you to achieve what you have achieved. Don’t
you realize THAT is what feminism is? Having the
opportunity to be treated equally, and to have
choices?" She didn’t know that then, but she does
now, and she is grateful for those people who fought for
women’s equality. And she is living more gracefully
now!
By being aware of the past, by being mindful of the
work that has brought us to where we are, by living our
lives with purpose and intention, and by being grateful
for all that we are and that we have, by default we are
living gracefully. Start slowly, gradually increasing
your awareness and gratitude. Whether with décor, or
gardening, or cooking, or exercise, or entertaining, or
work, practice being mindful, and then being grateful.
All of the pieces just fit together so well, so simply,
so elegantly … dare I say … so gracefully. Graceful
living is simple, once you are mindful and grateful.
I am not a Buddhist, but I am drawn to this tale of
the Buddha:
Once a man asked the Buddha, "Are you a god?"
The Buddha replied, "No."
The man then asked, "Are you a magician or
wizard?"
The Buddha replied, "No."
Then the man asked, "What are you?"
The Buddha replied, "I am Awake."
Are you awake?
© Copyright 2003 Bret S. Beall, MS, PhD (Cand). All rights
reserved.
Bret S. Beall, MS, PhD (Cand),
former evolutionary paleontologist, now leads Global
Organic Designs – Discovering Earth’s Science &
Spirit (GOD-DESS). He helps people live fantastic lives
with minimal time, effort or money, via consultations,
demonstrations, lectures and articles about Cooking,
Entertaining, Décor, Budgeting, Simplification,
Streamlining, Organizing, Gardening, Travel. His website
is: www.god-dess.com
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