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Mindfulness for Decision-Making and Life Transition
by Betsy Hedberg, M.A.
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“I know
I’ve got to get out of this job one day, but I’m so busy
right now, I don’t even have time to think about it –
and how could I ever make such a decision anyway?!”
These words from a recent
client speak to the heart of a major obstacle for many
people when it comes not only to career transitions, but
to any lifestyle change. Our busyness can obscure our
ability to make significant decisions for ourselves. The
irony is that being super-busy can be easier than
allowing ourselves to become still and quiet and deal
with difficult decisions or painful situations…but
this avoidance can cost us genuine happiness and
contentment.
Have you ever had a great idea
come to you while you’re taking a shower, walking your
dog, or just waking up in the morning? These are times
when
the busyness of our
daily lives and our thinking minds often get a brief
respite, allowing intuition to come to the surface.
Have you also noticed that if you try
for these moments of insight, they’re less likely to
come? This is why
it’s so important to
allow ourselves quiet time alone each day,
not to be used for planning or strategizing, but to
just be with ourselves in the present as much as
possible and allow things to arise as they will. (And
science bears this out: scientists studying brain
imagery believe contemplative or creative time allows
the brain to synchronize its logical left side with its
intuitive right side, facilitating our ability to think
creatively).
Yes, I realize this is hard!
Our culture tells us to remain busy all the time. If we
stay busy, we can feel productive – but
who is this
productivity really benefiting? I would
submit that quiet time alone is radical and
countercultural – after all, we might just gain some
insight that leads us to do something outside the norm
(like singing in the street, eating slow lunches,
vocalizing our political opinions, or taking a vacation
to Timbuktu).
Our ability and willingness to
set aside this quiet, intuitive time for ourselves can
be gently facilitated if we practice mindfulness. Jon
Kabat-Zinn, in his book Wherever You Go, There You
Are, defines mindfulness as “paying attention in a
particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and
nonjudgmentally.” We all know how to pay attention in
this way, but we tend to lose touch with this ability in
the midst of our hurried lives. Developing a mindfulness
practice (see some tips below) is a gift to ourselves,
yet it can be challenging to shift out of our
goal-oriented, “doing,” critical, and judgmental mindset
into a mode of acceptance, self-compassion, and “just
being.”
How does
mindfulness help us in times of transition or when we
face major decisions?
Mindfulness allows us
the space to develop insight about what we really value
and clarity about the options we are facing. With
mindfulness, we can accept the reality that no decision
will be 100% “right,” yet we can make the best decision
for ourselves at the present time.
Mindfulness helps us
invite time into our busy lives, reminding us of the
value of being versus constantly doing. We need this
time to effectively contemplate a major decision.
Practicing mindfulness fosters the ability to “just be”
with ourselves, which in turn helps us tune into our
intuition.
Starting now,
I challenge
you to be radical by taking mindful, intuitive time for
yourself every day (without trying too hard to
be mindful, radical, or intuitive). This is particularly
important during a period of transition or when you are
facing a big decision. Excellent ways to do this include
walking in nature, sitting meditation, drawing or
painting, and petting or walking your furry friend (as
long as it is in a meditative, present-moment spirit,
rather than “stewing/thinking about all the things I
have to do/ruminating about who said what” mode).
Here are some additional
mindfulness exercises you can try:
·
Transition mindfully. Each time you
transition from one part of your day or from one
activity to the next, see if you can pause to bring
yourself into the present moment. Bring attention to
your breath; notice the sights, sounds, and smells of
your surroundings; and acknowledge the transition you
are in the process of making. This is a particularly
helpful practice for transitioning between work and home
at the end of the day.
·
Listen to your body. Every few
hours, take a break from what you’re doing to tune in to
the sensations in your body. Pay attention to how these
sensations may have changed over the past few hours.
Notice any areas of tension or discomfort. Also notice
sensations of relaxation. If you find yourself feeling
critical or judgmental about your body, acknowledge
those thoughts and feelings while seeing if you can
bring a gentleness and kindness toward yourself. Can you
discern any connections between your emotions or moods
and the way your body feels?
·
Spend three minutes listening to a
piece of music. Rather than having it on in the
background or thinking through your “to do” list as the
music plays, really let yourself listen. Can you
distinguish the various instruments, harmonies, and
other nuances? What can you notice about this piece of
music that you haven’t noticed before?
·
Take a mindful walk. You can do
this during your lunch break or before or after work.
Mindful in this context means bringing your attention to
whatever you see, hear, smell, and touch along your way,
also tuning in to how your body feels while walking and
how the air feels against your skin. Each time you
notice your mind wandering to plans, worries, or other
distractions, notice where it’s gone and return your
attention to your walk. Do this in a gentle way, without
trying to forcibly push thoughts out of your mind.
·
Really pay attention to someone or
something. It’s so tempting to multitask. See if you
can have at least a half-hour period when you’re not
multitasking. Instead, focus on only one thing. If
you’re in conversation with another person, whether in
person or on the phone, give them your undivided
attention. If you’re doing a project on your computer,
avoid answering the phone, checking e-mail, or any other
distractions for at least a half-hour. Can you allow
yourself to become absorbed in the present moment and
whatever it has to offer, even if it is not entirely
pleasant?
·
If you really want to delve into
mindfulness practice, get some instruction in
mindfulness meditation. If you live in a major city
or a college town, you may have access to an Insight
Meditation (Vipassana) group or a Shambhala meditation
center. Keep in mind that not all meditation styles have
the aim of fostering mindfulness, so ask the instructor
to tell you about the meditation before you begin.
© Copyright 2009 Betsy Hedberg. All Rights
Reserved.
Betsy Hedberg, M.A., is a
Denver-based psychotherapist,
career counselor, and mindfulness and meditation
instructor. She helps people incorporate mindfulness
practices into their daily lives to realize greater
quality time, reduce stress, navigate personal and
career transitions, and connect with their deepest
values. She also has a passion for travel and is
preparing to announce some mindful, soulful excursions.
Her
blog/web site provides useful tips to help counter
the stressful lifestyle so many of us lead, with a
special focus on helping people recover from divorce and
end-of-relationship issues. If you live in the Denver
area, Betsy offers in-person
life transition and career counseling sessions to
help you reach your fullest life potential.
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