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The Logic of
Letting Go
by Bret S. Beall |
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When we are children, and someone tells us to “let
go,” it is usually in reference to something material,
and when we let go, we can either feel empty, as if we
are being deprived of something, or we can feel full,
knowing that we have allowed someone to have that
something, and s/he must really need it.
As adults, “letting go” can still leave us
feeling empty or full. Both feelings may occur
simultaneously. Ultimately, letting go will allow us to
feel free, unburdened, healed, happy, even joyous. I
intend to address how we can reach these ultimate
feelings.
The concept of “letting go” is very complex
(though ironically, the goal/result of “letting go”
is simplification). When trying to understand a complex
situation, the best first step is to break the problem
into easily perceivable pieces. For the sake of this
discussion, I will divide the various aspects of “letting
go” into three categories: 1) physical, 2)
psychological, and 3) spiritual. These three categories
are so related that they are not mutually exclusive, but
I believe that is logically impossible in this
situation. I have suggested that when a soul occupies a
body, their intersection is a mind; in other words, when
the spiritual level interacts with the physical level,
the psychological level occurs. While the properties of
each level are not entirely discrete, there are some
properties of each level that seem to be emergent, and I
will focus on them in the following discussion. Also,
while each level can be addressed in isolation, they
really have both linear and recursive (back-and-forth)
relationships. By “linear,” I mean that, if one
makes progress at the one level, progress will
automatically be made at another level. The recursive
relationship occurs because sometimes one must make
progress in one area before making progress in another,
and then another, and “back and forth.” As I’ve
written before, ANY mindful effort must be considered
“progress,” so instead of focusing on “how much”
we let go, let’s just focus on the very act of “letting
go.”
Additionally, before writing about the actual process
of letting go, I want to call your attention to another
factor. Specifically, I tend to think of “letting go”
as a gradual, gentle, almost passive process. Therefore,
I’ve decided to introduce a somewhat more aggressive,
intentional, active term as a counterpart: purging!
Consequently, part of this article will be about letting
go, and part will deal with purging … sometimes in the
same sentence! “Get rid of” is another phrase that
may creep in.
Physical
When I discuss the “physical” realm, I am talking
about anything tangible, whether it is our bodies or our
environment. Our environment can often be cluttered, so
purging of much of this “stuff” can be truly
liberating. Our bodies may not please us, so we can
choose to let go of extra weight. We can choose to let
go of bad habits and addictions. We can choose to free
ourselves of the indiscriminate materialism and
consumerism that requires constantly acquiring more and
more of “anything.”
Psychological
Moving from the physical to the psychological, we
moved to the “why” of those items that we could let
go of physically. For example, why do we have all of the
“stuff” that needs to be purged? What has caused the
rampant materialism that has allowed us to fill up our
lives with objects and beings? I almost wrote “inanimate,”
but there are those who fill up their lives with pets
and children and casual acquaintances rather than “real”
relationships. All such acquisitional behavior is
symptomatic of a psychological need that longs to be
filled, but which should be purged. The same is true of
other unpleasant emotions, like anger, fear,
jealousy/envy, even hate; when a psychological need
exists, it causes these emotions to manifest in an
attempt to satisfy that need. Guess what? The very same
is true for any bad habits and addictions we want to let
go of; while there may be a biochemical (ie, physical)
component to these, they also are indicative of some
sort of need or self-perceived deficiency or pain that,
in turn, is symptomatic of needing to spiritually let
go.
Spiritual
Truthfully, one could argue that if one “lets go”
and “purges” at the physical and psychological
levels, spiritual level purges and progress will
automatically follow (one can also argue the reverse:
spiritual purges and progress will automatically create
physical and psychological purges and progress). Instead
of dealing with those two arguments, I am going to run
to one common expression: “Let Go; Let God.” When we
consider the spiritual level, by definition we are
dealing with the Divine by whatever name we wish to call
him/her/it/them. Also, by definition, we are exiting the
scientific arena that forms the foundation of most of my
work, and moving into the realm of faith, which happens
to form the foundation for the remainder of my work.
Most spiritual advisors argue that happiness and joy are
the natural state of our souls. Therefore, if these are
not what we feel, what must be purged from the spiritual
realm? Because every single major faith has
reincarnation as one of its major tenets, and the
purpose of reincarnation is for the spirit to achieve a
higher state (nirvana, to use the Hindu and Buddhist
vernacular, by “letting go” of karma). Ridding
ourselves of karma is the ultimate purge!
Now that we have seen the different levels of letting
go and purging, how do we begin the process? To quote
Nike, “Just do it!” That’s not particularly
helpful, though.
Try beginning with just one small step in one aspect
of your everyday life (which is usually of the physical
realm described above). Identify something that you don’t
need, and let go of it. Perhaps it will be your décor?
Even though I embrace much of Mies van der Rohe’s “Less
is More” philosophy, one does not have let go of an
overall personal style that you might enjoy more in
order to simplify and streamline your life. However, it
may help to examine “Why” you have a particular
décor, and whether it might merit “letting go” in
order to have a more life-enhancing physical
environment. Mostly, this is about just getting rid of
accumulated material items (“stuff”) that aren’t
needed any more (if they ever were!).
The same is true with cooking, another everyday
activity (at least, it should be!). At some point, we
are indoctrinated that “good cooking” must be
complicated and time-consuming, and require lots of
potentially expensive equipment (and gadgets). Let go of
those notions immediately! Which do you imagine is more
difficult, concocting a fabulous dish from fifty
ingredients, or from a mere five? If you guessed “Five,”
you win! You are beginning to let go of indoctrinated
assumptions. And you now have permission to make simpler
food daily!
For a portion of my life, scientific research was
part of my everyday activity. As a scientist, one of my
guidelines for evaluating the validity of my own and
others’ research was whether ad hoc (unsupported or
unjustified) rationalizations were present in the work,
and to what extent. When trying to determine between
multiple possible explanations of a phenomenon, one uses
the philosophical principle commonly known as Occam’s
Razor. The essence of Occam’s Razor is that the
simplest answer is the best. Of course, the simplest
answer must be supported by data, and what made it
simple was that it required the fewest number of ad hoc
justifications to explain away any inconsistencies in
the data after imposing the “answer.” Occam’s
Razor tells us to let go of complex explanations when we
don’t have data to support the complexity; simpler,
evidence-based interpretations are the way to go. This
was my motivation when I undertook a reanalysis of a
problematic fossil called Tullimonstrum (the
Tully Monster, once believed to be unrelated to anything
else); the prevailing interpretation required
unsupported complexity, so I let go of prevailing
beliefs and developed an approach that relied less on
opinion and more on objectivity to the extent possible.
Those interested in science let go of their
preconceptions and accepted my reinterpretation; those
interested in hanging onto old dogma did just that. Had
I not let go of previous workers’ interpretations, I
would not have been able to make the contribution I did.
Think about the motivations you have for selecting a
career, a hobby, a car, a house, even a spouse. Are
those motivations from your own internal dreams and
drive, or are there some external pressures? This is
moving beyond the realm of “everyday activity,” and
into the realm of “special activity”; these special
events are most often psychological in nature. Here’s
an example: from childhood, I was indoctrinated with the
notion that I would go to college (external pressure)
but that I could pursue any career I desired (internal
dream), though there was one family member who wanted to
dismiss my internal dream because he believed I could
not succeed without majoring in engineering (I let go of
that external pressure, thankfully). In today’s
society, getting an education is as much a necessity as
breathing clean air and eating a healthy diet, so there
are sometimes practical, logical reasons for paying
attention to external pressures. Remember, though, that
there are many ways to get an education, so temper all
external pressures with your internal dream. Loosen the
influence of external pressures, Learn what your choices
are, Listen to your own internal dream, and then Let Go
of what isn’t part of that internal dream.
Now that you have identified your internal dream,
what is holding you back from achieving your greatness?
Money? Fear? Inhibitions? Overwhelming anger?
Frustration? Laziness? [Insert your favorite excuse
here.] Yes, I said “excuse.” Whatever it is, you
must start to “let go” of what is holding you back.
For instance, I have a beautiful relative who is very
intelligent and artistically talented; she once told me
that her dream was to write children’s books. When I
asked her why she didn’t “just do it,” she said
she was afraid of failing. I urged her to let go of her
fear of failure, but that fear had its hooks in too
deep. I wish I had known the words of pastor and author
Henry Van Dyke, who said “Use what talents you
possess. The woods would be very silent if no birds sang
there except those that sang best!" Twenty years
later, she has still not written a children’s book.
Sometimes we need some external help (not pressure)
to have the tools necessary to purge whatever is
blocking us and to begin singing our own birdsong. This
external help can come from family, friends, coworkers,
the random comments of strangers, or a professional
(therapist, counselor, psychologist … try to avoid
Freudians [just an intellectual bias that I’m making
explicit]). Here’s another personal example: At one
point, I found myself in a job that I knew was truly
toxic, but I was psychologically blocked from moving
forward. It took one jarring comment from a coworker to
shake me up: “Bret, are you always so negative?” I
was shocked to the point of being speechless (a rare
happening, I assure you!). Of course, I wasn’t always
negative, but that was how she perceived me! I had been
known as positive and upbeat most of my life; in
graduate school, I was even dubbed “Pollyanna”
because of my (sometimes outrageously) optimistic
outlook. It took this colleague’s comment for me to
realize I had healing to do, that I had to “let go”
of residual pain and trauma that were blocking me.
I will spare you the details of my personal issues
that I had to let go. What is important is the context
of recognizing the how and why of letting them go. One
of the key changes that is required is to let go of the
fear of asking for help. Try to imagine that we are all
on this planet to help one another, and there is no
shame in asking to be helped. I personally believe that
everything happens for a reason, and that it is our
purpose in life to learn what we can from everything
that happens. Because of that, I believe there had to be
a reason for my personal pain, and for everyone else’s
personal pain, and part of that was to learn to ask for
help. Once acknowledged, it can be addressed. I also
found (with help) that I had to go through a period of
grief and mourning for that child (me) who didn’t
understand what (and why) things happened. Then I had to
forgive those involved, so that I could let go of the
pain. It worked!
Once I truly let go of the past, I could see the
present so much more clearly, and from there, the view
of the future seemed much brighter. This change of
perspective took time, but I emerged happier, healthier,
more optimistic, more Pollyanna-ish than ever before! I
felt true joy on a regular basis, when I had only
glimpsed it before. I had to believe that I had not only
purged my pain, but had purged some of my karma, thus
moving into the spiritual realm of “letting go.”
What does it take to let go of karma? The psychological purging described above provides an example of the linear relationship I
mentioned at the start, because when mental purging occurs, karmic/spiritual purging occurs automatically. We can also work
directly at the spiritual level. I believe we
need to think big. Specifically, I tend to think in
terms of how I can leave the world a better place when I
depart it than when I arrived in it. That involves
thinking about what I can do for others (and the world)
before what I can do for myself (abandoning “ego”).
For whatever reason, I have had this perspective since I
was a small child, but most recently I have found my
perspective summarized by the Sustainability Movement’s
“Think globally, Act locally.” The key, though, in
purging karma (and purging ego is part of that), is to
do whatever you do because it is the “right” thing
to do, not because you are trying to clean your cosmic
slate. In fact, to gain some perspective, consider this
quote by Mother Theresa: “There are no great acts,
only small acts done with great love.” Love for all
(and I would argue that “respect” is a form of love)
is the key to purging karma. Respecting yourself means
loving yourself. Respecting others means loving others.
Respecting the Earth means loving the Earth.
Once you start letting go of what you don’t
need, and loving all, you will have fewer blocks in your
spiritual Path! As you begin to “Let go,” you
automatically begin “Letting In.” Both are
processes, so please don’t expect overnight success.
Start small, and change will occur incrementally. Let go
of the need for perfection and the physical,
psychological and spiritual baggage that embodies. Let
in the goal of self-improvement throughout your life.
Let in Love. We are all works in progress. Make a pact
with yourself to show just a little more love every day.
Let in the Divine.
Gradually, Letting In will create a shift in how you
perceive the world. Just go with the natural flow of
that shift. Soon, you will feel One with the Universe.
You will feel Love. You will feel “full” because you
Let Go and Let In. If you haven’t already started
these processes, please start right now. You’ll thank
yourself! And I thank you.
© Copyright 2004 Bret S. Beall, MS, PhD (Cand). All rights
reserved.
Bret S. Beall, MS, PhD (Cand).
As the CEO of GOD-DESS, I help people live fantastic
lives with minimal time, effort or money. I have used my
rigorous scientific training to synthesize psychology,
sensory input, and logic, with global cuisine, décor,
lifestyle concepts, indoor gardening and travel for each
individual in an easy-to-understand, easy-to-create and
easy-to-maintain style. For more information, please
visit my website, www.god-dess.com,
or call me at 773.508.9208, or email me at bret@god-dess.com.
Let’s start at the beginning,
though. I was born in California’s San Francisco Bay
area and lived there until I was seven. During this
time, my family often took vacations to the seashore and
to the redwood forests. There, I first felt the great
interconnectedness of all life. At seven, I moved with
my family to St. Louis, Missouri, where I continued my
environmental interests (including growing houseplants).
When I was twelve, we moved to the Ozarks of southern
Missouri, where I lived on a farm and witnessed
intimately the cycle of birth, life and death. We raised
cattle, ducks, geese and rabbits, and I worked on our
neighbor’s pig farm; we also grew a variety of produce
and I first learned about preparing and preserving food.
It was also at this time that I truly began acting on my
interests in art, design and esthetics.
I did my undergraduate work in
geology at the University of Missouri - Columbia,
graduating with general honors and honors in geology; my
coursework included a typical array of liberal arts
courses (art, philosophy, history) along with the
sciences (geology, physics, chemistry, biology,
anthropology). By living in an off-campus efficiency, I
learned the basics of simple cooking and living. After
graduation, I went on to Masters and PhD work in
evolutionary paleontology at The University of Michigan
in Ann Arbor; my studies included geology, paleontology,
biology, ecology and evolution, all presented within the
framework of proper scientific methodology.
Ann Arbor has a terrific Farmer’s
Market, which inspired me and helped me to act on my
interest in ethnic cuisines and entertaining; this had
to be done on a budget (given my graduate student
salary) and efficiently (given my graduate student time
requirements). I satisfied my artistic inclinations by
doing extensive scientific illustration to accompany my
original research. Teaching courses and speaking
publicly at student seminars, at national and
international meetings, and at various clubs and
organizational meetings provided a level of excitement I
had not experienced previously as I shared the
information and data that I had collected. “Sharing”
was the key, I realized, and this is when the seeds of
GOD-DESS were planted.
I left Ann Arbor for Chicago’s
Field Museum of Natural History to accept a position as
Curatorial Coordinator of Mazon Creek Paleontology. My
long hours working on both museum responsibilities and
my own research required living both time-efficiently
and cost-effectively. In a very short period of time, I
realized I did not want to spend the rest of my life
within the academic world. I had already experienced a
high level of international success, praise and
recognition, for which I am grateful (including making
it into the Guinness Book of World Records, and
having Johnny Carson make a joke about my research on The
Tonight Show). I eventually left the rarefied
world of paleontology. This is when the seeds of GOD-DESS
began to sprout and grow.
I spent the next decade in the
field of not-for-profit healthcare association
management, honing my skills in efficiency maximization,
streamlining, prioritization, customer service,
budgeting, organization, communication and
simplification, and applying the rigors of my scientific
training to the needs of my clients. My clients
experienced extraordinary growth and profitability.
Although my salary was better
than it was in academia, I still practiced my
cost-efficient living, including preparing meals at home
to eat at work. The hours were often very long, so
time-effectiveness and efficiency-management continued
to be important, if not vital. I traveled extensively in
my various roles (including organizational
representative, event organizer, executive manager, and
lecturer); often, I tacked on vacation time to
cost-effectively explore the various cities and regions
that I was fortunate to visit, which further enhanced my
travel planning skills. On my own time during this
decade, GOD-DESS grew into a fledgling company, relying
on the empiricism of my own experiences and my research.
After more than a decade of
helping my clients experience almost 900% budgetary
growth, 900% membership growth, 400% meeting attendance
growth, and enhanced visibility that cannot be
quantified, I knew it was time to become my own boss and
devote myself 100% to GOD-DESS.
I believe we are always in the
right place at the right time. Because of that belief,
everything that I do, whether paleontology, or executive
healthcare management, or lifestyle counseling, I do
well, to the absolute best of my abilities. A lifetime
of experience and research has now created GOD-DESS and
everything it can do for you. I am grateful.
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