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Living Your Joy
by
Suzanne Falter-Barns |
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HOW TO BE APPROPRIATELY PUSHY
One of the things that's often hard to know is how
and when to be pushy appropriately. In these
hardscrabble times, perfectly polite people don't stand
much of a chance of getting what they want if they spend
all their time worrying about other people's feelings.
However, not enough can be said for making yourself
known out there in a decent and unobnoxious manner. The
key is to use your intuition and your brain, both at the
same time, and pray for a little luck.
When Lazaro Hernandez was a fashion student at
Parson's School of Design in New York, he had a chance
encounter in an airport that for a
fashion-guy-in-training was akin to seeing God.
Lazaro spotted Anna Wintour, the redoubtable editor in
chief of Vogue Magazine, getting on his airplane.
"You should go talk to her," his mother urged.
"Maybe she can help you with your career."
Lazaro wasn't so sure he had the nerve to approach, but
one hour into the flight, he could stand it no longer.
Lazaro wrote a humble note on an airsick bag, which
explained that he was a fashion student who would soon
be looking for an internship. He noted that she probably
got requests like this all the time, but wondered if
perhaps someone had given her a chance at the beginning
of her career. He also wrote that he knew she had the
power to help him. Then, trembling, he approached.
Lazaro stood before Ms. Wintour's seated figure, and
said her name. No answer. He repeated her name several
times. No answer. He even crossed the uncrossable
boundary and touched her arm. Still no reply. Finally,
he left his plea under her martini glass and crept back
to his seat. Several months later, he received a call
from a major designer who'd gotten Lazaro's letter from
Ms. Wintour with instructions that it was not to be
ignored. A subsequent interview proved that he had
talent, and Lazaro was hired for his first internship.
Lazaro not only had great luck to get on an airplane
with the most powerful woman in the fashion industry, he
had the savvy to make use of the opportunity. He was
ready when his break came with a portfolio of samples
he'd worked hard on, making it the best it could be.
Then he did the most important thing of all: he sent Ms.
Wintour a thank you note, which prompted a fax from the
woman herself saying she was glad it all worked out.
This to me is a fine example of well-handled
pushiness, in that Lazaro used the opportunity as much
as he could, but then was completely respectful and
gracious. It is also evidence that a letter works,
especially when delivered under unique circumstances.
Designer Michael Kors, who dryly noted in an interview
that "The fashion industry is proof that the meek
shall never inherit the earth," recounted his own
attempts to get discovered in the beginning. When he was
a store clerk, he sold Calvin Klein a ski jacket, and
stuffed his design sketches into the sleeve as the
jacket was en route to delivery. A documentary film
director I know who needed a quote from a famous
director to help her get grants pulled a similar coup.
She found out where Woody Allen lived, then had a copy
of her latest film delivered to his door with a
handwritten note requesting a favorable comment. He
obliged.
Everyone has to start somewhere, even the rich and
famous. So if you can approach politely, preferably
through some other means than the front office, your
efforts will probably not be seen as pushy but as what
one does to get a break. Part of the reason this works
is the honesty involved. You are telling them what you
need up front. Which makes this sort of maneuver
entirely different than talking up a potential contact
at a cocktail party with the sole agenda of having them
look at your work, or hanging out a health club
frequented by a certain star so you can add them to your
list of influential friends. Important people, just like
the rest of us, do not like to be used. On the other
hand, most people do like to be helpful, and a direct
request can be amazingly effective.
Too often we assume that the way to approach an
industry or a leader is from the bottom, worming your
way up through the ranks. A much more effective approach
is just to go straight to the top, where you very well
may connect with the person who can make everything
happen for you. This is why letters are such a good tool
for approaching these people. They can read it in their
own time, they're not too obtrusive, and if well-written
and delivered in a subtle but attention-getting way,
they can work wonders.
We probably won't all be as lucky as Lazaro Hernandez
was when the editor of Vogue got on his plane. On the
other hand, we can get past the front office with a
little imagination. The advertising industry is full of
stories of people who did outrageous things to get
noticed. One copywriter I knew sent pizzas to the top
three agency creative directors he wanted to work for.
Each box contained two slices of pizza; the remaining
wedges were cleverly written pieces of his resume. And
while his resume did emerge spotted with grease and
tomato sauce, he got calls from all three creative
directors and ultimately a job from one of them.
One of the keys to these creative marketing
strategies is to be totally and completely ready to show
your best stuff before you send out your missive. You
must do your research on who you want to connect with
and why. Do not make the mistake of not knowing exactly
who you need to talk to, either. Instead, study the top
players in the field and understand that they each have
their own unique culture. See if you can determine in
advance which one you'd fit best into. Talk to friends
of friends who might now. Research the company though
on-line publication archives, such as The New York Times
and The Wall Street Journal. Call up receptionists and
pump them for information, telling them you're updating
your database (which you are.) You can also figure out
who the key players in any company are, by making a trip
to the library and looking them up in the Standard
Directory of Advertisers, or in company literature,
annual reports, or even company websites.
Make a point of going after the people you want and
need to meet first. Should you connect with the
decision-makers, and they are not interested at first,
maintain contact and let them know you're out there
every so often. Do not pester them with repetitive
emails. Instead, think of fun, charming ways to connect
through the postal mail -- or send a very occasional
email that offers them something useful they can use. If
nothing else, you'll signal your intense commitment to
working for their company, and this may very well yield
gold in the long run. They will come to see you as
dedicated, hard-working and tremendously loyal to their
cause.
This is often how authors and others find their way
on to the top network television shows that sell books,
such as the infamous Oprah. While some are lucky enough
to get through on the initial efforts of a company
publicist, many must use more imaginative means, or just
the slow drip theory of persistence. The publishers of
Sara Ban Breathnach's book, Simple Abundance,
somehow managed to place a copy of the book on the desk
of every single Oprah producer on the day it was
published, so they found them when they came in the in
the morning. The effect was big and dramatic, the
producers were forced to really look at the book, and
Ms. Breathnach was on the show repeatedly after that.
Other authors use persistence to achieve the same
result. Jan Yager, author of a book on friendship that
was published in 1997, sent copies of her book and
promotion materials to all the producers on Oprah
several times over the course of two years. While they
never responded, she took it in stride, remembering that
they were busy people and that their lack of response
was nothing personal. Periodically, she wrote to the
producers, whenever she got her book on another
important television or radio show. She created a web
site, listed herself in several directories of experts
the media uses for bookings, and did everything she
could to make herself visible to Oprah's producers.
Two years later, her persistence paid off. When they
called to say they were considering her along with 20
other experts for one slot on their show, she
immediately got her materials out to them, then she
carried her beeper everywhere while she waited for their
call. The segment was ultimately canceled, but another
show about friendship was in the works for a later date,
so Jan's materials were forwarded to those producers.
Jan was eventually put on Oprah, by which time she'd
done her homework of fine-tuning her TV presence, and
making sure she was comfortable on camera and had
camera-friendly clothing. Even though the segment was
supposed to show a film clip of Jan in her home,
commenting on a friendship issue the show covered, she
talked the producers into bringing her into the studio
for some face time on air with Oprah, as well. Not
surprisingly, orders and sales for her book went up
substantially, and now Jan Yager has a new book out,
called Getting Booked.
Sometimes our dreams calls for radical pushiness.
Caleb Carr first presented his best-selling novel, The
Alienist, as a non-fiction title. Carr, who had a
background as a writer of military history books,
pitched a group of editors by telling them the 'true'
story of a serial killer loose in Manhattan during the
Teddy Roosevelt era. It wasn't until the end of the
pitch, when the editors were salivating for the story,
that Carr revealed the truth ... that it was entirely
made up. At which point, he presented them with the
manuscript for his first novel, which they promptly
bought.
The art of the subtle, but consistent follow-up is
also an important part of being pushy effectively. It's
remarkable the number of people who put creative,
interesting proposals out there, and don't ever bother
to follow up. One advertising creative director I knew,
who regularly received unusual pitches to look at art
director and copywriter portfolios, told me that at
least seventy percent never followed up their mailing
with a call. This creative director was simply too busy
to hunt these people down himself, so he figured if they
didn't call, they weren't that interested to begin with.
That was how he decided who to see and whom not to see.
Remember that it never hurts to ask. If you're going
to set big goals and target important people, you must
not only be patient, you must be appropriately pushy.
The worst that will happen is that the particular person
you're hoping to connect with won't give you the time of
day, and so you move on. This is part of what I consider
being a good parent to your baby, which is how you must
view your creative project. You really have to be its
defender and champion in every aspect, for who else will
be? You must stick up for it at every turn, and do your
very best at putting it into the hands of the people who
can take it to the next level. Above all, you must be
willing to think big and do the seemingly ridiculous
things this project is asking you to do.
You will be rewarded not necessarily with all the
results you crave, but with the sure, sound sense that
you've taken the steps that needed to be taken, knowing
there was little else you could do. That's being pushy
appropriately.
| Five Concrete Steps Towards Making
the Right Connections
1. Take out your journal and make the following
lists:
Who would you like to make aware of your project?
(Name names here.)
What would you like them to do for you? (Be very
specific.)
2. Next to each person's name, brainstorm ten
possible ways you could reach them. Be sure to include
your personal network here, as well as any ingenious
ideas that pop up about novel ways to approach them.
3. Pick at least five actions you could take in the
next week to advance this goal.
4. Be sure to share this list with your support
buddy, support group, or personal coach – these are
reliable allies in life who will remind you of your
list, ask of your progress, and generally cheer you on.
If you don’t’ have such support already in place,
set this part up first. (And if you feel afraid to ask,
don’t worry … you’ll be available to offer the
same to them!)
5. Keep the list above, and keep a progress log along
with it. Be sure to keep tabs on your progress, so this
project doesn’t end up in the never-to-be-completed
zone.
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SHOULD YOU QUIT YOUR JOB FOR YOUR DREAM?
A Questionnaire by Suzanne Falter-Barns
The next time you’re moodily sitting in your
office, wishing you were living your dream instead,
answer the following questions… or answer them now!
They’ll give you a sense of whether or not now’s the
time to make the break.
My job is making me crazy; so crazy I’d do anything
to quit.
a.) Highly agree
b.) Mildly agree
c.) Don’t really agree
d.) Strongly disagree
If I left my job for my dream, I’m not sure what I’d
do first, or even how I’d begin it.
a.) Highly agree
b.) Mildly agree
c.) Don’t really agree
d.) Strongly disagree
My boss runs my life … or ruins it. I feel
completely misunderstood and trapped by this job. I don’t
even know if I could quit – how would I survive? Who
would even hire me?
a.) Highly agree
b.) Mildly agree
c.) Don’t really agree
d.) Strongly disagree
I hate this job but I really need the money. I don’t
see any other viable alternative.
a.) Highly agree
b.) Mildly agree
c.) Don’t really agree
d.) Strongly disagree
If I stay at my work just a little longer, I stand a
good chance of getting a promotion and a raise. Then I
could find my way clear to saving a little money for my
dream.
a.) Highly agree
b.) Mildly agree
c.) Don’t really agree
d.) Strongly disagree
Yeah, I could quit my job for my dream, but I could
run off to Tahiti, too. That’s way too much risk for
my taste.
a.) Highly agree
b.) Mildly agree
c.) Don’t really agree
d.) Strongly disagree
My spouse/partner is okay with the thought of me
quitting my job for my dream. We’ve talked it through
and he/she sees it as the next thing I need to do.
a.) Highly agree
b.) Mildly agree
c.) Don’t really agree
d.) Strongly disagree
My spouse/partner fully understands what life will be
like when I make the leap to begin my dream. He/she will
be there for me, emotionally and even financially if
necessary.
a.) Highly agree
b.) Mildly agree
c.) Don’t really agree
d.) Strongly disagree
I have a business plan for my dream all organized and
ready to go. I’ve even scoped out sources for capital,
and necessary space and materials to get to work.
a.) Highly agree
b.) Mildly agree
c.) Don’t really agree
d.) Strongly disagree
I have a savings account for my dream with enough to
get started, plus an emergency savings account worth 6
months of my general living expenses. I’ve also scoped
out alternatives to my current health care and
insurance.
a.) Highly agree
b.) Mildly agree
c.) Don’t really agree
d.) Strongly disagree
I’ve been developing a systematic plan for leaving
my job for a while now… I feel I’m almost ready to
go.
a.) Highly agree
b.) Mildly agree
c.) Don’t really agree
d.) Strongly disagree
I have an adequate support system in place to really
help me move ahead with my dream. It includes good
friends and advisors, adequate child or elder care, a
supportive spouse, and even a coach or mentor.
a.) Highly agree
b.) Mildly agree
c.) Don’t really agree
d.) Strongly disagree
If you answered mostly a) and b) to questions 1-4,
you’re stuck. Your job has forced you to forget about
essential pieces of yourself – it’s time to get some
career coaching now.
If you answered mostly a) and b) to questions 5 &
6, you’re a borderline case. You haven’t yet decided
whether your dream is all that important to the quality
of your life. Just an experiment, you might want to sit
with a blank piece of paper and really brainstorm what
it would be like to live your dream.
If you answered mostly a) and b) to questions 7-11…
what are you waiting for? You’ve got a plan, you’ve
set up the necessary support and you’re good to go;
you should be able to weather the inevitable ups and
downs. Be sure to allow your company enough notice to
make the transition smoothly, so you can leave with
glowing reviews. Congratulations!
To learn more about how to find the time, money and
energy to live your dreams, read Suzanne Falter-Barns’
new book, Living Your Joy: A Practical Guide to
Happiness (Ballantine). ©
2002 Suzanne Falter-Barns. All Rights Reserved. www.howmuchjoy.com
Suzanne Falter-Barns Barns is the author
of the new book, Living Your Joy: A Practical Guide
to Happiness (Ballantine) and How Much Joy Can You Stand? A Creative Guide To
Facing Your Fears and Making Your Dreams Come True (Ballantine
Wellspring.) You can learn more about guided
visualizations at www.howmuchjoy.com/tangdysp.html.
Suzanne Falter-Barns’ free ezine, The Joy Letter,
brings you practical tips and tools for your dream every
other week. Sign up at www.howmuchjoy.com/joyletter.html
and receive her valuable report, "Thirty-Five
Guaranteed Time Savers". It helps you create time
to finally live your dreams.
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