Soulful Love February 2001
	by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway

This month marks the debut of a monthly column by the "Romance Reverend," Reverend Laurie Sue Brockway.  Each month, she'll share her sage insights and soulful guidance to singles who want to evolve their relationship potential and fulfill their romantic destinies.  We're very pleased to have her joining our Soulful Living Community!

Get Ready For Soulful Love

"There is within each of us, I believe, a deep and holy hunger for sacred union. Our souls yearn to unite, to live in concert and connection with other souls. Collectively and individually we are crying for the solace of reconnection with God. On earth this deepest, sweetest desire for sacred union is most often expresses in a committed, passionate and soul filled partnership with another; we long to interlace our hands and hearts with a beloved as we make the pilgrimage toward our own spiritual evolution."
~ Sue Patton Thoele, From "Heart Centered Marriage"

Like many people, I spent a good part of my adult life longing, and looking for, my one true love. In fact, I built a career out of it – as a relationship journalist, an author of many books on the topic, a romance coach, a soul mate teacher and, ultimately, a minister and wedding officiant. Getting up close and personal with the core mechanics of soul love in all the work I did helped me come ever so closer to "being there."

For a long time I thought I was "ready" for my soulful lover. I’d researched how to meet him, had taken so many other people through the process, and was invited to go on TV and radio to tell other people how to do it. My bio said I was a relationship expert! I thought for sure I would be one of the lucky ones; at the very least, I was winning some karmic brownie points that would entitle me to a cool relationship. But somehow, my relationships were never quite the mythic love matches I envisioned. Sometimes I wondered if I’d missed the boat to Soul Mate Mountain in this lifetime.

There were two things that helped to eventually bring my beloved and I together: I never gave up my faith that he existed. And I discovered the importance of getting ready for love! For me it was a complete surrendering of what I thought I knew and who I thought I was; as if I had to dismantle a self that no longer fit with who I was becoming. I’d built a persona and a body of knowledge largely based on external evidence and I was being called to drop the defenses and the idea that I actually had a clue about such matters of the heart. I was being called to connect with my own soul first, and then, from that place, connect with my "other half." The big breakthrough came when I walked into a room full of people who had assembled for Seven Magical Secrets To Attracting Your Soul Mate, a class I teach at The Seminar Center in New York and said: "I am your instructor. I am as clueless as you are about how to meet your soul mate. But I am willing to take this time to explore the possibilities with you."

When you talk about soul mates you have to leave plenty of room for possibility. It is a big, huge, mystical topic that brims with theories and beliefs. I spent years trying to nail down the ultimate soul mate theory. Now, I keep an open mind, embrace every soul mate theory around and encourage people not to lock themselves into just one perspective. Imagine the tragedy if you believed you could only meet your soul mate through the approved method of your favorite mystic, guru or author and yet your soul mate showed up in a manner according to someone else theory. That’s like being at the airport when you ship finally comes in. Who knows… maybe you and your love lived as a two-headed man/woman God in the days of Plato or were part of some cosmic egg, coiled snake, offspring of heaven and earth. I really don’t know what the answer is. I just know making your life a soul mate-friendly place to be is a good start.

After I engaged in a revamping of my, shall we say, personality and profession, my own soul began to shine. I was able to see with new eyes and recognize my soul mate – he was literally sitting there right in front of me, hanging around the places I loved to be, doing the kinds of things I love to do. We knew each other for two years before either of us was clear or ready enough to know our destiny together; but when our time came, it was a great awakening. Bells and whistles went off and we both believe there was a slight tremor in the earth.

As my friend Arielle Ford, author of Hot Chocolate For The Mystical Lover, says, "Soul mates have their own schedule." I agree… you can’t hurry love. But, by participating in your own private Project Soul Mate you can clean up stuff you no longer need, get your life in order, and simultaneously, get ready for love. Here are just a few of my pearls of wisdom on the topic, culled from more than 20 years of work on the font line of the Relationship Revolution and many more than that out and about on Love’s Battlefield.

In soul mate relationships, people bring one another something they don’t already have… an end to the sense of separation because it truly is like being reunited with self. Your soul mate will help heal you but can’t be responsible for fixing you. Even if he or she wants to, don’t let ‘em! Even soul mate couples with great relationships have issues to heal –individually and with one another’s help -- but it is so important that the process of releasing old beliefs, healing broken hearts and letting go baggage from relationships past is well underway before we tango with new love. If healing has not begun and progressed -- through therapy, grief work, spiritual practice and any other form of transformational work – we risk being needy and over anxious, and jumping into the wrong relationship.

In the mythology, fairytales and Hollywood movies that shape our consciousness about soulful love, epic lovers have a series of challenges to meet and master, and a few dragons to slay, before they can claim the precious prize of everlasting love. The same holds true for modern soul mates. While some people seem lucky in love -- as if they were born in a state of readiness for true intimacy and partnership – the rest of us typically have some life to live and some lessons to muddle through first. Some of us have baggage we need to drop off at the Heart Break Hotel before we can truly unite with another at the highest level of loving communion. Work hard to clean house. Toss out old stuff, memorabilia that depletes your energy and keeps you stuck in the past, and ex-loves who no longer have any business being in you life. Liberate yourself from the past by cleaning out one draw at a time until you work your way to that divorce you’ve been stalling on. Do it for you… the love will follow.

Our souls continuously urge us forward. We get subtle intuitive messages, signs and sometime warnings. We are given directions to follow, inspiration for places to go and people to see, and guidance on every level. When spirit begins to do its thing of bringing us together, don’t get caught asleep at the wheel or so absorbed in mundane living that you can’t recognize love when it knocks on the door.

By the time your soul mate stands before you, eyes searching into your own, heart connected to yours, you will have both done quite a lot of personal and spiritual development work. Work on developing the capacity and maturity to distinguish real love from hope created by fantasies you project on someone who has "potential." In order to recognize true love you have sense of what love looks like; you must be able to see through your spiritual eyes! The emotional healing we take on often gives way to great spiritual openings, and allows us to discern true love with confidence. Soul connection is tangible; there really is no guessing or wondering when the real thing comes along.

How to know when you know:

Arielle Ford tells the stories of 101 soul mates in Hot Chocolate for The Mystical Lover (Plume, January 2001). She says there was one telltale sign that confirmed to these soul mate couples that true love had arrived: "There is almost always a distinct moment when soul mates recognize each other. Sometimes it’s simple, mutual love at first sight. And sometimes one or both parties hear a small, still voice confirm: "she’s the one" or "this is the one your will spend your life with." Liberation from things that clutter our lives, closure with the past and clarity about who we are is what enables us to hear our own inner guidance so loud and clear.

The journey to soulful love is ongoing, in daily life. Lived with consciousness, each step will count for something. Even the difficult aspects of romantic evolution can be considered "time served" in preparation for true love. No relationship is bad or wrong, as long as lessons are being learned and noone is getting injured. It’s important to discern when one particular path has run its course. Many of us get our best training in relationship boot camp. We may beat our selves up for bad dates and time that seems wasted on Mr. or Ms Wrong, but in truth, they are an important, instructive part of the journey. The grand awakening to what soul mate love is comes by discovering first hand what it is not. Refusing to see the truth about nowhere relationships keep us stuck; insisting on continuing on a dead end path limits possibilities. It is difficult to let go of a relationship offers companionship, sex, fun. But when you want a true soul mate, holding on to a relationship that is imitating love keeps us from the very thing we say we desire. Eventually, we figure it out. Many people take a break from searching or even swear off relationships for a while. Its at those times that many people report meeting the loves of their lives – when they least suspect it and when the aren’t "searching."

The concept of soul mates is as old as time. Images and stories of lovers who were destine for one another are ingrained in us from history, folklore and religion. Isis and Osiris. Krishna and Radha. Cupid and Psyche. In fairy tales, it was the kiss of one certain prince who could awaken the Sleeping Beauty; and only one Beauty could tame and the Beast an return him to a state of grace. You don’t have to go for the big, epic love story. It’s not everyone’s destiny to have a love so great and earth shattering that it ends up recorded in human history. We may long for that level of profundity and yet how many of really want something that huge and all consuming? It is important to recognize the myth that has helped shape your love life and cull the best aspects of archetypes that inspire you. Re-evaluate and rewrite it: Take the best parts and favorite aspects and make them your own. Many humans are daunted by the concept of always having to live and love like a God or Goddess, and yet we are happy to know that we can tap into that energy as we choose.

Hollywood movies provide plenty of fodder to inspire hope in sacred love – as well as filling our psyches with images of "perfect love" that is unattainable to most of us and impossible to maintain every moment of the day for the rest of us. Hollywood gives us the added advantage of being able to create our own reality, stories, drama and personal legends. It’s important to live the legend that is personally empowering. Somewhere out there is likely a guy or gal who is working on the same material and beliefs. You will have similar vibrations and mindsets, and you will recognize each other from the get go -- as long as your lives are not cluttered with insurmountable physical, logistical, legal, emotional, spiritual refuge from the past.

Don’t hate being single:

It’s important to embrace being single and honor the state of not yet having a mate. It's important to use time as a single person to prepare for being in a relationship. Some people hate being single but the truth is, the time of longing and yearning for love is the time to prepare for real love by assessing your life, creating the life you want to be leading -- even if there is on one to share it with yet -- and reflecting on past mistakes that you do not want to recreate.

There are many practical and spiritually creative ways to encourage your soul and subconscious mind to raise the vibrational forces on Project Soul Mate. Begin to imagine the love you want… or psychically tune into that love. Write, visualize, daydream, pray, and love your way to a great relationship. Cut out magazine pictures of couples in love, makes lists and write stories about the relationship you choose, use any creative tools you are comfortable with to ask for all the divine help you can get! Get together with a friend who is getting ready for love and partner up on the process.

Find the right pace for love

Some of us imagine that when we finally find "the one", that’s when we will finally start living. To the contrary, our job is to live fully… that is how your soul mate will know you. If you are traveling a fast lane of life with little time for nurturing the heart or spirit, or if you hide out in a way that causes life to move too slowly, the window of opportunity could be delayed or missed. Everyone’s path to soul love is unique. The cosmic timing for our personal love stories varies. Awareness, followed by appropriate action, can emotionally, physically and spiritually prepare you for love when Cupid’s coveted arrow comes your way. Help spirit do the work of bringing you and your soul mate together.

Jewish mysticism offers one of my favorite descriptions of soul lovers. "Each soul and spirit, prior to entering this world, consists of a male and female united into one being," reads The Zohar, the key doctrine of Cabalistic wisdom. "When it descends on earth two parts separate and animate two different bodies. At the time of marriage, the holy One, blessed be He/She, who knows all souls and spirits, unites them again as they were before, and they again constitute one body and one soul, forming as it were the right and left of one individual."

Soul mates are psychically and spiritually connected, and they move one another along, even if they haven’t yet met or recognized one another. Even in the silences and the spaces, trust that there is another who shares your dreams and longs to meet you. Nurturing and building a life with someone takes work, yet soul mates that prepare for love have more time to love one another when they finally meet!

Read Reverend Laurie Sue's Current Column

Reverend Laurie Sue Brockway is an author, teacher and contemporary clergy person who specializes in matters of the heart and soul. As an ordained interfaith minister and non-denominational wedding officiant, it is her honor to regularly marry couples in love. Prior to becoming a minister she enjoyed a successful and colorful 20 years in media as a widely published journalist, editor and author of eight books on relationships and romance—as well as being a noted spokesperson on those topics. She was editor-in-chief of two national magazines and several regional publications, and her articles have been published around the world and in many newspapers and national magazines, such as the NY Daily News, The Washington Post, Women’s News, New Woman, Ladies’ Home Journal and Child. She evolved years of specialized reporting in the field of male-female relationship dynamics into a more spiritual pursuit that led her to train to be an interfaith minister, and then establish her wedding ministry along with her popular relationship enhancement programs.

She continues to write on weddings, soul mates and enhancing relationships, as well as teach on those topics. She's on the faculty of The Seminar Center and MyPotential.com. and trains other ministers through World Light Fellowship. She is a graduate of the New Seminary and a member of The Association of Interfaith Ministers. Her wedding ministry is based in New York.

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