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Let Enchantment Be Your Guide
For Getting Unstuck In Midlife
by Daina Puodziunas |
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"I'm gonna dance upon this earth. I'm gonna find joy in all this madness. I'm gonna dance upon this earth....right here now feelin free".
--Burns Sisters
Feeling stuck while watching everyone else achieving their dreams can be an awful place to be, especially in midlife. Even if you have "made it" in society's terms, you may still have a deep feeling that it's not enough...that it hasn't satisfied some deep core within you. Deep in your heart you may want to be the exuberant adventurer you wanted to be before you became the responsible adult you felt you had to be, but you can't move forward no matter what.
More than persistence, grit, and determination, I have discovered that midlife women need to discover and nurture that sense of enchantment and wonder within themselves if they want to live a bliss-filled second half. When our enchantment is gone, our world gets hollow and flat, our thoughts get darker and heavier, and we move at the speed of molasses. We also feel lost, not able to have a compass with which we can navigate our way into our enchanted land, or to make choices and decisions that feed our soul. Discovering our enchanted intention is also the most direct way to tap into our vitality and longevity for a bliss-filled second half.
To get unstuck and become the exuberant adventurer in your second half, you are going to have to go on an enchanted journey to get back in touch with the heart and soul of what excites you about yourself and life. I call this process becoming your own midlife fairy godmother. She helps you bypass your responsible "should" voice and hear your "fun" voice. Your inner fairy godmother helps you access your inner treasure that has been buried for a long time. She gives you permission to go outside the box of your and other people's comfort zones. Most of all, she gives you permission to focus on yourself. Many of us have been taught that it is good to give to others and bad or egotistical to give to ourselves. I believe that there is such a thing as a healthy ego. Throughout the years in the spiritual/metaphysical fields, the ego has gotten a bad rap. We have only identified the dark side, not the light side.
Most women, by the time they have entered middle age, are so used to caring and giving to others, it can feel uncomfortable to focus on themselves. We often feel twangs of selfishness and various forms of inner resistance. I found this to be true especially of spiritually focused women (religious or not). My friend Shantih and I call it the "being naughty" feeling. It turns out it's a good thing! My inner rebel loves that! For example, I have decided that a good dose of "healthy" greed is good for me. I have been deliberately asking for what I want throughout my days. I can't believe how much I squirm and squeal. But when I'm done, I'm so happy and proud of myself. I also know that this is directly wired to my abundance consciousness. I am demonstrating to the universe, through my actions, that I am open to receive and that I am entitled.
Zalman Schachter-Shalomi (wow, there's one person with a trickier name than mine) writes in "From Age-ing To Sage-ing: "In forging an adult identity, we sacrifice many parts of ourselves on the altar of family responsibility and parental expectations. To support our families and to achieve financial and social standing in the community, we often stifle and censor the voices of our authentic self. With the dawning of elderhood, these voices begin clamoring for expression in the world." In other words, the kid in you wants to come out and play again!!
This is really good news, and we can make use of this phenomenon. I'm talking about tapping into that exuberant spirit that wants to play and infusing our goals, dreams, and desires with it. It can be a beacon, a North Star, a guiding light by which we can make all of our large and small decisions. It is our inner spirit, our passion, the sweet elixir of our life force. I believe that there really IS a fountain of youth and that it exists within us. In order to tap into it, we have to take the time to ask ourselves enough questions to get a sense of it.
When I was around 40, I hit bottom emotionally, mentally, and physically. I burned out from driving myself, being everything to everyone, and trying to have it all. I decided to do something audacious....I took a midlife healing sabbatical for five years and began to learn how to listen to, adore, and comfort my inner child. I became my own fairy godmother. I ended up healing from some chronic illnesses with no medical intervention or drugs. I did many exercises with myself to discover my inner enchantment....what really makes me come alive. We each need to use the circumstances of our lives, whatever they are, as the creative material for learning how to move forward. Life is a shifting carpet. When we learn how to dance on it, it becomes a magic carpet! We cannot control the
circumstances of our lives, but we can learn how to respond to them in a way that enriches and empowers us.
"Know you what it is to be
a child? It is to be
something very different
from the man of today.
It is to have a spirit yet
streaming from the waters
of baptism; it is to believe
in love, to believe in
belief; it is to be so little
that the elves can reach to
whisper in your ear; it is
to turn pumpkins into
coaches, and mice into
horses, lowness into
loftiness, and nothing into
everything, for each child
has its fairy godmother
in its soul.
--Francis Thompson
Enchanted intentions are the living spirit behind your goals, dreams, and desires. Your enchanted intention will guide you to discover what you want to actually DO in the second half of your life. But don't go there yet. This is one of the mistakes that people make. They are always thinking of the doing before the being. Intentions are states of being. Everything physical comes into being from a conscious or unconscious intention. A chair was first designed from the intention for comfort and ease. To discover enchanted intention follow this magic formula.
The 10 step magic formula for discovering your enchanted intention for second half bliss:
1) Go someplace where you won't be disturbed, and bring a pen and lots of paper.
2) Transport yourself to your inner enchanted land in your imagination - a beautiful place where you feel free, happy, and at peace.
3) Imagine that your midlife fairy godmother comes to visit you. Pay attention to all of the details about her: her mannerisms, physical appearance, attitude, presence, and so forth. Hold hands while you are sitting across from each other and look into each other's eyes.
4) Imagine that she is offering to give you whatever you want. No demand is to trivial, extravagant, or outrageous. Start writing out a list. The only criterion is that everything on your list must be something you REALLY want - from owning a new car, finding a perfect relationship, that dress you drooled over, a cure for cancer, world peace...etc.. etc..
5) When you can't think of anything else, take a clean sheet of paper and for each item ask yourself, "Why do I want this?" "What will it satisfy?" Begin each answer with the words "To be..." For example, your desire to want a car might be to be financially successful. The desire to write a book might be to be creatively fulfilled or recognized as an authority on a subject. The desire for a cure for cancer may be to be a healer. Stick with this process for a while. It may take a few days of coming back to it. Don't give up.
6) Now imagine yourself at your 90th birthday party surrounded by family, friends, and co-workers. Make a list of everyone whose opinion you care about. Picture each person standing up and saying something about you. Condense what they say into a few words; "she's my best friend"; "always reliable and trustworthy," etc.
7) Turn these remarks into "to be" statements - "to be a best friend"; "to be reliable and trustworthy," etc.
8) Review your entire list of "to be" statements. Circle the ones that have the most meaning for you... the ones that you hope are true of you, whether or not you feel you have fulfilled them. Listen to your heart, not your head. Feel your fairy godmother in your heart as she sits with you and encourages you to feel the ones that make you come alive, bring goosebumps on your skin, make you blush, jump for joy.
9) Transfer everything you have circled to a clean sheet of paper. These are your most deeply felt intentions. Live with them for at least a week, adding and subtracting anything you want and then narrow them down to ten.
10) When you are finished, go to your enchanted land again with your paper. Ask your inner fairy godmother for help in bypassing your mind and working with your heart to help you design one intention. Most people freak out at this point. I know I did, but tell yourself that focusing here will bring the second half of your life into focus. The other intentions are not lost and often will be included in what we do in our second half without us even thinking about it. My business - Midlife Fairy Godmother Enterprises (sm) satisfies so many intentions of mine that it makes my head spin!! But my enchanted intention is: To be a
fun, creative, financially successful adventurer.
Remember to play, have fun, be audacious, outrageous! Let yourself go into dreamland! I promise you it will help you move forward with your life in a way that will bring you vitality and longevity. Your life will begin to feed you ideas, people, and opportunities. The law of attraction will begin to add unto the seed of your intention.
Enchanted Adventuring To You!!!
© Copyright 2004 Daina Puodziunas. All rights
reserved.
Daina Puodziunas (Dinah - Midlife Fairy Godmother) helps women become their own midlife fairy godmothers. She has been passionately helping self aware, spiritually focused, fun loving women move past obstacles to an enchanted life her entire life. Midlife Magic For Second Half Bliss is a five step formula she offers through life coaching, telephone and in person workshops, speaking engagements and articles.
Visit her website at
www.midlifefairygodmothers.com
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