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"Dance as though no one is
watching, love as though you've never been hurt before,
sing as though no one can hear you, live as though
heaven is on earth." --Souza
As I introduce women to becoming their
own fairy godmothers in midlife, I teach a form of
"mind yoga" which involves taking charge of
the mind through developing mindful awareness of the
present, stretching, focusing, and directing the mind,
plus, developing an enchanted reflective style of the
past. The latter is probably the most important because
HOW we talk about ourselves and our experiences in our
minds and to others becomes our future reality.
In April of 2004 Maya Angelou was
interviewed by Oprah (on her show) for Dr. Angelou's
74th birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of
growing older. She responded by saying that it was
exciting. In regards to body changes, she informed Oprah
that there were many occurring every day. She said her
breast seemed to be in a race to see which will reach
her waist first. The audience laughed so hard they
cried.
Dr. Angelou also said: "I've
learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems
today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by
the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day,
lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."
"I've learned that regardless of your
relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when
they are gone from your life. I've learned that making
a living is not the same thing as making a life. I've
learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned they you shouldn't go through life with a
catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to
throw something back."
"I've learned that whenever I decide
something with an open heart, I usually make the right
decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I
don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you
should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm
hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned
that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that
people will forget what you said, people will forget
what you did, but people will never forget how you
made them feel."
I would call Maya Angelou's reflective
style positive, enchanting, deep, touching, and
non-judgmental. HOW we reflect on our lives is as
important as WHAT we reflect on. We have total control
over this entire process. Our past is a matter of
interpretation. Taking charge of our reflective style
has many, many benefits. They are so subtle and
intricate, that medicine has yet to fully understand
them.
For example, the balance of stress
hormones in the bloodstream seems to be intimately
linked to your reflective style. These hormonal shifts
affect almost every system in the body in ways so
complex that few are understood. When I healed myself
from serious stress related chronic illnesses without
any medications, taking charge of my mind and the way it
was interpreting past, present, and future was my main
medicine that led to the healing. Eventually, I could
feel how each thought was affecting my body instantly.
The greatest thing about developing an
enchanted reflective style is that it's self
reinforcing. This frame of mind will help keep you not
only happy, but healthy. It is also a very profound
spiritual discipline. My personal motto is: Take Charge
Of Your Mind And The Rest Will Follow! Why? Because the
universal law of attraction will be following your lead
and what matches your state of mind will be added to
your life experience. Taking charge of your mind in this
way attracts not only health and happiness, but
prosperity as well. It is well worth the time it takes
in midlife and at any time.
Mindfulness Practice For Becoming Aware Of Your
Disenchanting Reflective Style
Evaluating your reflective style is
the beginning of mindfulness, of watching your brain in
how it tells the story of your life. This practice and
the quiz that follows was modified from an article I
read by one of my all-time favorite personal development
authors, Martha Beck. Thank you Martha.
~~~Part 1~~~
Start paying attention to the way you
explain whenever something bad happens to you. Just
watch it without judgement and without changing
anything. Then, when something bad happens, look at it
through the lens of the three P's.
Personal - Do you think it's because
of you? Most of us who are women do this a lot without
even realizing it.
Permanent - Do you expect it to last
forever?
Pervasive elements - Do you think it
will affect your entire life?
Identify destructive thought patterns,
label them, watch them when they come up, let them drift
by like a cloud.
** This can help stop a simple bad
mood from becoming a full-blown depression...really! I
have hundreds of examples in my own life and others.
~~~Part 2 Developing An Enchanted
Reflective Style~~~
Start describing positive experiences
as personal, permanent, and pervasive.
Tell a story of a bad event without
personalizing it or thinking that it will have a broad,
lasting impact on your life. In this detached way, look
with curiosity, intrigue, and without judgment at
everything and everyone involved. This can, and most
likely will, be very difficult, uncomfortable, and
awkward at first.
Habitual thought patterns are like
ruts in a dirt road. The mind slips into them over and
over again. Steering down another road is very
difficult. Neurophysiologists can chart actual physical
pathways along with familiar ideas and impulses travel.
This is one of the spiritual disciplines that is
involved in becoming the heroes and heroines of our
lives.
Self - Quiz
What Is Your Reflective Style?
BAD STUFF
Think of something very difficult that
happened to you in the past: a challenge, a loss, a
disappointment, etc. Write it down on a piece of paper.
Now answer the following
questions by choosing the answer that
feels closest to what you really think. The key here is
radical self honestly. In other words, don't write what
you think you SHOULD
be thinking. Go with your first gut
answer. Don't think about it too much. Ready?
Why do you think it happened to you as
opposed to someone else?
1. It was what I needed to experience.
2. I made some mistakes and suffered
the consequences.
3. It was random chance.
4. I seem to attract difficulties
rather often.
5. Nothing ever goes right for me.
What did you learn from this event?
1. How to turn problems into
advantages.
2. How to overcome obstacles.
3. Didn't learn anything.
4. Learned to expect more bad things.
5. Learned that I just can't win.
How did this event change you?
1. It transformed me for the better.
2. I gained a few new strengths.
3. It really didn't change me.
4. It left me somewhat worse off than
before.
5. It practically destroyed me.
How did it change your life
circumstances?
1. Ultimately, it made my life much
better.
2. It improved my life somewhat.
3. It had no lasting effect.
4. It left things somewhat worse than
they were.
5. It ruined my life.
How often do you expect similar bad
things to happen to you in the future?
1. Never (it was totally a freak
occurrence).
2. Hardly ever (it was a fluke).
3. Occasionally (bad luck happens to
everyone).
4. Often (I'm sort of an unlucky
person).
5. Constantly (I'm Murphy's Law
incarnate.)
Do other things like this happen in
different areas of you life (for example, being treated
unfairly by authority figures in many settings)?
1. This was a totally isolated event.
2. I encountered similar problems in a
few areas of life.
3. Problems like this are rather
common for me.
4. I have the same problem in almost
every setting.
5. This type of problem comes up in
every area of my life.
GOOD STUFF
Think of something very good that
happened to you in the past. Write it down; then answer
these questions.
Why do you think it happened to you as
opposed to someone else?
1. I just know how to succeed.
2. I worked hard and got a little
lucky.
3. It was random chance.
4. I had a freak stroke of luck.
5. It was an accident; it shouldn't
have happened to me.
What did you learn from this event?
1. I learned that I'm a natural-born
winner.
2. I learned to expect more good
things.
3. I didn't learn anything.
4. I learned to grab opportunities
because they don't come often.
5. I learned to stay braced for bad
things because luck doesn't last.
How did this event change you?
1 It made me believe all my dreams
will come true.
2. It made me quite a bit happier.
3. It didn't change me.
4. It made me hope for a happiness I
probably can't have.
5. It made me realize just how bad the
rest of my life is.
How did it change your life
circumstances?
1. It improved my life enormously.
2. It made things a little better.
3. It didn't really change my life
much.
4. It left me worse off; there was a
let down.
5. It turned out to be a terrible
thing.
How often do you expect similar good
things to happen to you in the future?
1. All the time.
2. Often.
3. Sometimes.
4. Rarely.
5. Never
Do other things like this happen in
different areas of your life (for example, getting
praised at work and at home, being mentored in many
settings)?
1. I have this kind of good experience
in every area of my life.
2. This sort of thing happens to me
often, in several areas.
3. Good things like this happen in
about half my life situations.
4. I rarely have this kind of good
experience.
5. Nothing like this has happened to
me.
SCORING
Add up the numbers beside your answers
(for example, if your answer to a question was number 5,
you get five points for that question).
12 - 21: Pessimists may regard you as
a Pollyanna, but keep it up; your reflective style is an
enchanted one which supports good health, vitality, and
longevity.
22 - 31: You have good mental hygiene
and that's likely to make you healthier as well as
happier. Keep seeking benefits in every circumstance,
and you'll increase the odds that you'll live long and
prosper.
32 - 41: You may not realize that you
sometimes put a pessimistic, disenchanting spin on life,
but you do. Don't judge this.... just take it as data,
information which can give you some very useful tools.
Changing your reflective style to a more enchanting one
one thought at a time, will give you proof that life
works from the inside out. Embark on the adventure, find
a buddy, get a life coach, get support and start with
one step...one disempowering story, then another.
42 - 51: Your reflective style is
quite negative, disenchanting, and most important....disempowering.
Your energy is leaking out of you through this way you
have of orienting yourself with life. Unless you learn
to tell your story differently, (even if only to
yourself), you may impair the quality of your life. Make
a decision to do something about it. Then make a
commitment to turn your thinking around. Get a buddy,
life coach, and support from people who want you to
succeed. Start with one disempowering story and forget
the rest for now. Feel some success and results with one
story.
52 - 60: Your reflective style is very
pessimistic and disempowering. It's fortunate that you
can change. If you don't, your way of thinking will be
more likely to have a negative impact on every area of
your life. Make a clear decision on what you want to do
about it and start now.
© Copyright 2005 Daina Puodziunas. All rights
reserved.
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