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Kay Nuyens

Our Challenge Can Be Our Greatest Gift
by Kay Nuyens

According to Shakespeare: "Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so." Life is actually neutral. I believe it is our own perception of life challenges that causes us pain. We give everything in our life its meaning. We make ourselves upset by what we tell ourselves about a particular experience. We only see how the conditions affect the present time, seeing through the filters of our own beliefs. Our perception of things is limited; we cannot see the whole picture. Years later we may see the real implication of a significant event in our life. What we once judged as "bad" actually may have been a turning point in one’s life.

Here is an ancient Chinese story, found in the Tao of Pooh, by Benjamin Hoff, that reflects this point of view. This old man has the philosophy that in the long run you never know whether something is good or bad. Wait and see.

In ancient China an old man lived with his son. One day he lost his only horse. All his neighbors came by to commiserate with him on his ill fortune. The old man countered, "What makes you think this is ill fortune?" Next month the horse returned, bringing with it a herd of other horses. The neighbors returned to congratulate the old man on his good fortune. The old man answered, "What makes you think this is good fortune?" With so many horses at hand, the old man's son took to riding and one day fell off and broke his leg. The neighbors were back to commiserate with the old man on his bad luck. The old man said, "Why do you think this is bad luck?" It happened that the next year there was a war and because the old man's son could not walk, he did not have to fight.

There is no good news. There is no bad news. There is just news. Thus, we see that events in themselves are neutral. It is the interpretation that we place upon them that give them meaning. I believe our primary purpose as spiritual beings, in human form, is to evolve into a deeper awareness of this spiritual self. We are here to recognize our inherent worth. Sometimes it takes an external challenge to force us to go within to find that inner connection.

I invite you to state these affirmations when you are in a situation that causes you to move into judgment:

* I am willing to withhold my personal judgment about this event.

* I accept this experience as a gift that is masquerading as a challenge.

* I ask for Divine assistance. Help me to see this situation with new eyes.

* I choose to focus on whatever good I can glean from this experience.

* I trust that God will take care of the details that I do not understand.

Transformational Healing is seeing our suffering with new eyes. It allows us to be a witness to it, then experience what it looks like and how it feels. By shifting our level of awareness, we are able to look at our suffering differently. When we look at healing from our expanded awareness, we can have deep love and compassion for ourselves, and those involved in our dramas.

There are three stages of inner transformation: experience, release and transformation. Let me share with you an example:

One of my clients had a serious test anxiety. She was studying to be a nurse and failed a very important test. This required her to go back and retake some of her classes. Her instructors suggested she experience some hypnotherapy to get to the root cause of this issue. Her instructors knew that she had learned the material, but was unable to perform in a test situation. When she was regressed to the root cause of the problem, she realized it stemmed from three different circumstances where she had been inappropriately touched as a child. She had remembered these experiences, but never connected them with her test anxiety. The message she gave herself was that she was no good. She didn’t deserve to succeed in life. The unworthiness was overwhelming.

My client experienced her pain, was able to release her emotions around these circumstances, and transformed her outdated belief patterns. By focusing on the area around her heart, she was able to get in touch with the Divine part of herself. She witnessed the experience through new eyes and found an inner strength and compassion. She was able to see herself as deserving the life she wanted. This woman was actually looking forward to taking her next test, which of course she passed. Experiencing, releasing and forgiving the past allowed her to move forward.

If you are in the midst of a life challenge, I invite you to follow these steps to Transformational Healing:

  1. Do some journaling on this challenge to discover some of your own self-limiting beliefs. Some of the common beliefs surfacing with my clients are, "I am not a good person. I am not important. I am not lovable. I am not good enough. I am not worthy. I don’t deserve to be successful."

  2. Put yourself into a very relaxed state. Take in some long, slow, deep breaths and focus on your breathing. Call in your Higher Self, that wise part of you that knows. Explore with your deep inner mind what you need to pay attention to today regarding your particular situation.

  3. Ask for help in discovering the root cause of this issue. You may have a thought, a feeling, or even a physical reaction. Some people may get impressions or pictures. If you are not visual, you will probably feel a particular sensation in your body as you focus on the issue. You might ask it for a message. Be willing to explore this. Be a witness to this experience without judgment. (If you feel resistance, just ask yourself to pretend that you know the root cause, for indeed a part of you does know.) Allow any information to come forth.

  4. Realize that the thoughts, feelings and images that come up for you were in the past. These have limited you from being your true self. Release your feelings through journal writing, energy therapies, rituals, visualizations, or by just setting the intention to let them go. You have given yourself permission to let go of the past baggage. I like to use a healing body of water to assist clients in clearing the past.

  5. Ask for help in determining the soul lesson. You might want to reframe it by looking at it differently now. Can you find a gift in this situation? How has it forced you to grow?

  6. Forgiveness often follows this experience because one realizes that everyone does the best they can at the time, even if it didn’t seem good enough. If forgiveness feels overwhelming for you, know that you only need a little willingness to forgive. Spirit will take over the doing. The following is a prayer I use with my clients, adapted from Larry Nims, author of Be Set Free Fast, an energy release technique:

    I forgive myself for taking this _________ on. I know I was only doing the best I could. As much as I am capable of forgiving others, I forgive anyone who may have purposely or inadvertently contributed to this issue I choose to resolve. I know they were only doing the best they could also. I love and accept myself. I no longer need this _______ any longer. I am now willing to replace this ______ with________. (I often suggest unconditional love and acceptance for oneself.)

  7. The transformational stage occurs after you have fully experienced and released the original issue. Imagine that you are now floating above the situation. Invite in some healing light and water to fill every cell of your body until you feel lighter. Send it through to purify the experience you are witnessing. Move into the heart area and fill your entire body with compassion, unconditional love and acceptance. You might call in Angelic assistance to assist you with total loving energy.

We each have an inner guidance system to assist us in our healing. It brings forth our inner wisdom to transform the old pattern. I believe that everything we experience can be turned to good. Our higher consciousness calls us to explore, release and transform our deepest difficulties. Healing is a work of a lifetime, and it can be a wonderful adventure as we learn to move into our wholeness.

(I want to thank and honor Marilyn Gordon, friend and author of Extraordinary Healing for her valuable insights into Transformational Healing.)

©Copyright 2002 Kay Nuyens. All Rights Reserved. 

Invitation to Greatness Workbook by Kay Nuyens

Kay Nuyens
Kay Nuyens spent twenty-five years teaching and counseling in the public schools before buying early retirement in 1998. She has manifested a new, more joyful and fulfilling life for herself. She is now a certified clinical hypnotherapist, author, speaker, teacher and a certified JOY Practitioner, assisting struggling students to feel successful. Her goal is to empower people to find their inner connection, healing issues through awareness, compassion and the power of love. Kay offers private sessions, personal growth classes and workshops.

Her new book, "Invitation to Greatness" is a workbook for personal growth. It contains a treasure trove of exercises for inner reflection, self-expression, clearing blocks and creating new patterns. It is a personal journey to discover your inner healer, your own loving essence. Learn specific healing techniques to gain emotional freedom and peace of mind. Discover how YOU can create a successful life script! (www.changingfocus.net)


Visit Kay at Her Website:



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