Lovemaking, A Closing Ceremony
by Diana Daffner
When ritual and ceremony
are added to lovemaking, the lovemaking itself becomes
sacred. In the words of a Native American medicine man,
When People participate in ceremony, they enter a
Everything outside of that space fades in importance.
Time takes on a different dimension,
Emotions flow more freely,
The bodies of participants become filled with the energy
And this energy reaches out and blesses the creation
All is made new
Everything becomes sacred.
A ceremonial feature of eastern cultures, one that is
easy to add to your love relationship, is the bow. A bow
acknowledges respect and honor, provides a moment of
centering in the here-and-now, and can be used before
and/or after a lovemaking session.
Martial arts practitioners bow before getting on or
off the mat, bow to the teacher and to their partners
before and after training together. In Zen Buddhism, a
meditator bows to their cushion before sitting and again
when leaving, and joins in bowing when another meditator
prepares to sit next to them.
In Tantric lovemaking, a practice gleaned from
ancient spiritual teachings of India, we bow to our
Beloved with respect, honor and joyous devotion. We use
the form of a heart salutation – hands in prayer
position, thumbs held against the center of our chest,
our heart center. Before we bow, we make eye contact,
and we maintain the eye contact as we slowly incline the
upper part of our bodies toward one another.
A bow, a heart salutation, is a powerful
communication. It says I honor you, I am grateful that
you are in my life, that you are here with me right now.
I am grateful for your love. We are One. Our love is
sacred. Namaste, a Sanskrit greeting often associated
with this bow, means the divinity in me greets and
recognizes the divinity in you. Or, as spiritual guide
Ram Dass explains, "When you are in that place in
you, and I am in that place in me, there is only One of
The heart salutation is particularly meaningful as a
closing ceremony after a lovemaking session. Sexual
sharing is the most physically intimate activity that
two adult human beings experience. Yet most people
simply separate, roll over and fall asleep, get up and
get a snack or otherwise casually reorient themselves
back into the temporal world. It is almost as if nothing
has happened, that the miracle of two people exchanging
energy and even bodily fluids was inconsequential in the
larger order of things. The truth is that such an
exchange is extraordinarily meaningful, even if you have
been with the same partner many times before.
A heart salutation can transform mediocre, routine
and even abruptly ended sexual activity into a profound
celebration of divine union. All too often, sex play
ends when the male partner ejaculates. Although it may
be challenging for him to rouse himself for this
ceremony, it is well worth the effort! It is an
opportunity to come back together, to re-unite, to
experience one another as Beloveds.
Try this – within moments after the sex activity
– whatever form it has taken - has ended, sit up and
face one another. Separate yourselves, so you are no
longer touching, no longer embracing. Settle and center
into your own body, then give each other a bow, a heart
salutation, with eyes open. A simple ceremony, this
ritual can add deep joy and continuing contentment to
And this sacred loving energy will indeed ‘reach
out and bless the creation around you.’
© Copyright 2003
Diana Daffner. All Rights Reserved.
Diana Daffner, with
her husband Richard, leads "Intimacy Retreats"
for couples and provides coaching in sexual intimacy as
a spiritual path. The Daffners originated the Tantra Tai
Chi™ program, a partnered movement practice to enhance
intimacy in body, heart and soul. For a schedule of
workshops, visit www.IntimacyRetreats.com
or call 1-877-282-4244 (tollfree). Email: tantra@IntimacyRetreats.com.
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