The Gift of Letting Go In Midlife
by Daina Puodziunas
There is a very big gift waiting on the
other end of learning how to let go when we reach middle
age. The gift is an abundance of energy. In midlife, we
begin to see how precious energy is and how without it,
nothing else really matters. After all, who cares if you
are able to amass a large sum of money if you don't have
the energy to enjoy it? Who cares if you are blessed
with beautiful grandchildren if you don't have the
energy to get down on your hands and knees and play with
them? Who cares if you live to be a hundred if your life
is dull and boring?
I believe that everything is made of
energy....everything. At its most primal level,
everything IS energy. Even money is energy! In fact, my
concept of God/ess, great mystery, spirit is Energy.
I've said for a long time that God is a verb and not a
noun. As human beings we are made of life force energy
and are constantly being infused with it. What we do
with that energy is completely up to us. We are totally
in charge of it and becoming aware of it is key.
Unfortunately, when we went to school, we weren't
shown this important life skill. We were memorizing
dates of wars and periodic tables instead. We didn't get
into the proper mindset and life enhancing habits during
our first half, but we certainly can cultivate them for
ourselves in midlife if it means our health, vitality,
joy and abundance on all fronts.
When we hit midlife, the bare fact is that we are at
a crossroads. Our energy is either going up and building
us up right down to the cellular or going down and
depleting us. So, when we hit midlife we have the
opportunity to become our own best friend, teacher, and
confidant and start taking charge of our energy. We need
to do it for ourselves. Nobody can do it for us.
I love to think of it in terms of learning how to
become our own midlife fairy godmothers. As we are
learning to let go of people, memories, activities,
guilt, shame, and blame, we are getting our wings which
make us lighter in many, many ways including taking
ourselves and life a lot less seriously. We need to
start seeing our energetic life force as the most
precious gift that we are in charge of. Where our energy
is going and what we are doing with it needs to be
examined if we want to live a long life full of vitality
and joy till the blissful end. I call it "inner
magic" because it is inner work which gives magical
In "Anatomy Of The Spirit", author Carolyn
Myss talks about the energetics of healing. In her
opinion, we can have the best tools, techniques, and
healers available, but if we don't know how to take
charge of our own energy, we will not heal. If we don't
know how to let go of dramas (our own and those of
others), if we can't forgive (ourselves and others), if
we don't know how to let go and let God (and keep trying
to manage the entire universe), we are digging ourselves
an early grave. Healing cannot be activated unless we
become energy wise.
I guess I had to learn this lesson the hard way when
I bottomed out physically, emotionally, and spiritually
over a decade ago. It was then that I became keenly
aware of how the life force is operating within my body
and when it was leaking out of me. I discovered how to
plug up the leaks and started focusing on what enhanced
my life force and what gave me more of it. I continue to
receive lessons that seem so unfair and harsh, only to
get the gift of renewed energy once I get the spiritual
insight and take the necessary action.
Letting go of anything and everything that is
pinching off our energy stream, allowing it to leak out
of us and deplete us should be our primary focus once we
hit midlife. Our entire lives should be re-examined in
terms of what enhances our energy (life force,
spirit/God) essence and what depletes it. In order to do
this we will have to be brave and relentless as we
question our preconceived assumptions and beliefs, and
our investments of energy in people, situations,
projects, activities, work, and ourselves. We will have
to see everything through new eyes....our energetic
When we learn how to let go of our attachments to
negative judgments, the desire to be right, the need for
revenge, to be understood, we literally set our energy
free. Forgiveness, as an example, is an amazingly kind
act, but not so much for the other person as for
ourselves. That's why a skilled healer will tell you
that is imperative that you examine your consciousness
for anyone you need to forgive before any healing can
begin to take place. I used to think of it as a moral
thing, but now I see it as purely an energetic thing.
It's just that it's sooooo very challenging to do!!! But
when you consider it in terms of your own life or death,
it can help you rise to the challenge. This is the real
gift in losing our health and of many other crises. They
have the potential to wake us up and to help us see life in a very
simplified way. It is up to us if we rise to the
challenge. We are literally saving our own lives.
I've had some major challenges within the past year
and I could easily feel what was happening to my energy
and what I needed to do about it. I just didn't know how
and so I prayed for spiritual insight and guidance. One
of the challenges was ending a ten-year relationship
last fall. After I ended it, I was left with a massive
debt that I had no idea how I was going to pay off. I
felt betrayed, lied to, and ripped off. I could feel how
my victim consciousness was zapping my energy, but the
facts were the facts!! Just the thought of letting go
made me feel even more like a victim. It made me feel
like I was giving in!
I am a woman who is proud of speaking up for herself
and taking charge of her life, and this felt like the
opposite. I see women allowing themselves to be doormats
all the time under the guise of being spiritually
advanced somehow. You know what I mean? When someone
claims to have risen above the situation, but they are
burning up inside. You can feel it! Carolyn Myss
describes it as putting your gun down, but not the
desire to shoot!! I know that kind of self deception.
I've been there!! I did not want to do that any more,
but didn't' know how to let go. I think of letting go as
a spiritual muscle that needs to be developed.
So there I was, waking up in the middle of the night
feeling angry and helpless. Planning on which lawyer to
talk to next. What drove me crazy the most was that my
ex felt like he was the one who was the victim. I told
him to leave my home, not the other way around. There
was no talking to him. It was a victim face off and I
was left with what felt like a sinking ship that I had
One particularly clear and uplifting Sunday morning I
was reading one of my favorite mystics, Joel Goldsmith.
In "Practicing The Presence" he writes;
"Problems must inevitably arise, but they can only
be a blessing because it is through these problems that
we rise higher in consciousness and through that rising,
harmony is brought into our daily
life."....."As we forgive, divine love is
flowing out from us. As we pray for our enemies, we are
loving divinely. Praying for our friends profiteth nothing.
The greatest rewards of prayer come when we learn to set
aside specific periods every day to pray for those who
are our enemies - not only personal enemies because
there are some people who have no personal enemies, but
religious, racial, or national enemies."
Immediately after that, I could feel my ex's pain and
sense of betrayal by me. I could see through his eyes
and feel through his heart. He appeared as a little boy
in tremendous pain. I felt so much compassion that it
burst my heart wide open. Everyone else who I had issues
with began to come to my awareness and I experienced the
same thing! I could feel the energetic release as I
stayed with the feelings of understanding as I
experienced the conflicts through their eyes.
"Let them have their own beliefs, assumptions,
and judgments of you. Let them have their own journey.
Let go of the need to be right in order to be
happy," were the words that resounded in my heart.
Immediately after that I could not feel one ounce of
anger, condemnation, resentment, or sadness!! I felt so
very light, so free, so clear! "Those fairy
godmother wings are starting to feel mighty darn
good," I said out loud. I felt the energy continue
to cruise through my body in waves.
Letting go of trying to get others to change, to see
your point of view, to right a wrong is one of the
hardest things to do, but it is one of the most freeing
things we will ever experience. Now that I am
energetically free, the money is able to reach me. When
we are pinching off our life force energy, we are
putting a barrier between us and more energy in the form
of loving relationships, money, and everything good that
we desire. It simply cannot reach us because we have
stopped the flow of life force energy. We are more
concerned with being right and settling the score.
As I think about it, isn't achieving this inner peace
the answer to peace on earth? As the spiritually self
aware matriarchs turn into wise crones within their own
lives on this planet, I predict we will begin to see the
influence in the rest of the world as time goes on. But
it means becoming energetically self aware and self
loving enough to save our own lives first. Can we begin
to see our enemies wherever they are as little children
in horrific pain? I think that the consciousness on the
planet has evolved enough that a handful of people are
able to stretch themselves that far. I think that it
only takes a handful of people to influence the
consciousness on the entire planet by letting go of the
barriers to their own vitality, creativity, longevity,
self expression, and health no matter what it takes. The
gift of letting go can go way beyond our own lives, but
needs to start in our own back yard.
Are you game? Ask yourself:
What have I known I need to let go of, but haven't
had the guts to...yet?
What help do I need to get in order to do it?
What do I get to hold on to by not letting it go? What's
my pay off?
What kind of support will I need?
What will replace the pay off I am getting from it?
What will I say and how will I say it?
What will I do when I get a strong reaction from the
Live Your Best Life
by David Whyte
from "Sweet Darkness"
When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.
When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.
Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.
There you can be sure
you are not beyond love....
Sometimes it takes darkness and the
confinement of your aloneness
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.
© Copyright 2004 Daina Puodziunas. All rights
Daina Puodziunas (Dinah - Midlife Fairy Godmother) helps women become their own midlife fairy godmothers. She has been passionately helping self aware, spiritually focused, fun loving women move past obstacles to an enchanted life her entire life. Midlife Magic For Second Half Bliss is a five step formula she offers through life coaching, telephone and in person workshops, speaking engagements and articles.
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