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Daina Puodziunas

Developing An Enchanted Reflective Style
For Vitality, Longevity, And Prosperity

by Daina Puodziunas

"Dance as though no one is watching, love as though you've never been hurt before, sing as though no one can hear you, live as though heaven is on earth." --Souza

As I introduce women to becoming their own fairy godmothers in midlife, I teach a form of "mind yoga" which involves taking charge of the mind through developing mindful awareness of the present, stretching, focusing, and directing the mind, plus, developing an enchanted reflective style of the past. The latter is probably the most important because HOW we talk about ourselves and our experiences in our minds and to others becomes our future reality.

In April of 2004 Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah (on her show) for Dr. Angelou's 74th birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. She responded by saying that it was exciting. In regards to body changes, she informed Oprah that there were many occurring every day. She said her breast seemed to be in a race to see which will reach her waist first. The audience laughed so hard they cried.

Dr. Angelou also said: "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they are gone from your life. I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned they you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back."

"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

I would call Maya Angelou's reflective style positive, enchanting, deep, touching, and non-judgmental. HOW we reflect on our lives is as important as WHAT we reflect on. We have total control over this entire process. Our past is a matter of interpretation. Taking charge of our reflective style has many, many benefits. They are so subtle and intricate, that medicine has yet to fully understand them.

For example, the balance of stress hormones in the bloodstream seems to be intimately linked to your reflective style. These hormonal shifts affect almost every system in the body in ways so complex that few are understood. When I healed myself from serious stress related chronic illnesses without any medications, taking charge of my mind and the way it was interpreting past, present, and future was my main medicine that led to the healing. Eventually, I could feel how each thought was affecting my body instantly.

The greatest thing about developing an enchanted reflective style is that it's self reinforcing. This frame of mind will help keep you not only happy, but healthy. It is also a very profound spiritual discipline. My personal motto is: Take Charge Of Your Mind And The Rest Will Follow! Why? Because the universal law of attraction will be following your lead and what matches your state of mind will be added to your life experience. Taking charge of your mind in this way attracts not only health and happiness, but prosperity as well. It is well worth the time it takes in midlife and at any time.

Mindfulness Practice For Becoming Aware Of Your Disenchanting Reflective Style

Evaluating your reflective style is the beginning of mindfulness, of watching your brain in how it tells the story of your life. This practice and the quiz that follows was modified from an article I read by one of my all-time favorite personal development authors, Martha Beck. Thank you Martha.

~~~Part 1~~~

Start paying attention to the way you explain whenever something bad happens to you. Just watch it without judgement and without changing anything. Then, when something bad happens, look at it through the lens of the three P's.

Personal - Do you think it's because of you? Most of us who are women do this a lot without even realizing it.

Permanent - Do you expect it to last forever?

Pervasive elements - Do you think it will affect your entire life?

Identify destructive thought patterns, label them, watch them when they come up, let them drift by like a cloud.

** This can help stop a simple bad mood from becoming a full-blown depression...really! I have hundreds of examples in my own life and others.

~~~Part 2 Developing An Enchanted Reflective Style~~~

Start describing positive experiences as personal, permanent, and pervasive.

Tell a story of a bad event without personalizing it or thinking that it will have a broad, lasting impact on your life. In this detached way, look with curiosity, intrigue, and without judgment at everything and everyone involved. This can, and most likely will, be very difficult, uncomfortable, and awkward at first.

Habitual thought patterns are like ruts in a dirt road. The mind slips into them over and over again. Steering down another road is very difficult. Neurophysiologists can chart actual physical pathways along with familiar ideas and impulses travel. This is one of the spiritual disciplines that is involved in becoming the heroes and heroines of our lives.

Self - Quiz

What Is Your Reflective Style?


Think of something very difficult that happened to you in the past: a challenge, a loss, a disappointment, etc. Write it down on a piece of paper. Now answer the following

questions by choosing the answer that feels closest to what you really think. The key here is radical self honestly. In other words, don't write what you think you SHOULD

be thinking. Go with your first gut answer. Don't think about it too much. Ready?


Why do you think it happened to you as opposed to someone else?

1. It was what I needed to experience.

2. I made some mistakes and suffered the consequences.

3. It was random chance.

4. I seem to attract difficulties rather often.

5. Nothing ever goes right for me.


What did you learn from this event?

1. How to turn problems into advantages.

2. How to overcome obstacles.

3. Didn't learn anything.

4. Learned to expect more bad things.

5. Learned that I just can't win.


How did this event change you?

1. It transformed me for the better.

2. I gained a few new strengths.

3. It really didn't change me.

4. It left me somewhat worse off than before.

5. It practically destroyed me.


How did it change your life circumstances?

1. Ultimately, it made my life much better.

2. It improved my life somewhat.

3. It had no lasting effect.

4. It left things somewhat worse than they were.

5. It ruined my life.


How often do you expect similar bad things to happen to you in the future?

1. Never (it was totally a freak occurrence).

2. Hardly ever (it was a fluke).

3. Occasionally (bad luck happens to everyone).

4. Often (I'm sort of an unlucky person).

5. Constantly (I'm Murphy's Law incarnate.)


Do other things like this happen in different areas of you life (for example, being treated unfairly by authority figures in many settings)?

1. This was a totally isolated event.

2. I encountered similar problems in a few areas of life.

3. Problems like this are rather common for me.

4. I have the same problem in almost every setting.

5. This type of problem comes up in every area of my life.



Think of something very good that happened to you in the past. Write it down; then answer these questions.


Why do you think it happened to you as opposed to someone else?

1. I just know how to succeed.

2. I worked hard and got a little lucky.

3. It was random chance.

4. I had a freak stroke of luck.

5. It was an accident; it shouldn't have happened to me.


What did you learn from this event?

1. I learned that I'm a natural-born winner.

2. I learned to expect more good things.

3. I didn't learn anything.

4. I learned to grab opportunities because they don't come often.

5. I learned to stay braced for bad things because luck doesn't last.


How did this event change you?

1 It made me believe all my dreams will come true.

2. It made me quite a bit happier.

3. It didn't change me.

4. It made me hope for a happiness I probably can't have.

5. It made me realize just how bad the rest of my life is.


How did it change your life circumstances?

1. It improved my life enormously.

2. It made things a little better.

3. It didn't really change my life much.

4. It left me worse off; there was a let down.

5. It turned out to be a terrible thing.


How often do you expect similar good things to happen to you in the future?

1. All the time.

2. Often.

3. Sometimes.

4. Rarely.

5. Never


Do other things like this happen in different areas of your life (for example, getting praised at work and at home, being mentored in many settings)?

1. I have this kind of good experience in every area of my life.

2. This sort of thing happens to me often, in several areas.

3. Good things like this happen in about half my life situations.

4. I rarely have this kind of good experience.

5. Nothing like this has happened to me.



Add up the numbers beside your answers (for example, if your answer to a question was number 5, you get five points for that question).

12 - 21: Pessimists may regard you as a Pollyanna, but keep it up; your reflective style is an enchanted one which supports good health, vitality, and longevity.

22 - 31: You have good mental hygiene and that's likely to make you healthier as well as happier. Keep seeking benefits in every circumstance, and you'll increase the odds that you'll live long and prosper.

32 - 41: You may not realize that you sometimes put a pessimistic, disenchanting spin on life, but you do. Don't judge this.... just take it as data, information which can give you some very useful tools. Changing your reflective style to a more enchanting one one thought at a time, will give you proof that life works from the inside out. Embark on the adventure, find a buddy, get a life coach, get support and start with one step...one disempowering story, then another.

42 - 51: Your reflective style is quite negative, disenchanting, and most important....disempowering. Your energy is leaking out of you through this way you have of orienting yourself with life. Unless you learn to tell your story differently, (even if only to yourself), you may impair the quality of your life. Make a decision to do something about it. Then make a commitment to turn your thinking around. Get a buddy, life coach, and support from people who want you to succeed. Start with one disempowering story and forget the rest for now. Feel some success and results with one story.

52 - 60: Your reflective style is very pessimistic and disempowering. It's fortunate that you can change. If you don't, your way of thinking will be more likely to have a negative impact on every area of your life. Make a clear decision on what you want to do about it and start now.

© Copyright 2005 Daina Puodziunas.  All rights reserved. 

Personal Reflections:

Personal stories are the most powerful way for people to connect with each other, create understanding, experience compassion, and feel a web of interconnectedness. For this reason I am sharing my personal story of 2004 with you.

It was a year ago on November 1, 2004 that I ended a ten year long intimate relationship with a man that I was building a big dream with. I'm 51, have always worked for myself, designed and helped build my own passive solar home on 40 acres, and brought up two beautiful girls as a single parent. In other words, I'm pretty self reliant, inventive, well educated, resourceful, and strong.

And yet with all that going for me I never saw the reality of what was coming. I now know what the phrase "Love Is Blind" means. I poured all of my savings, loans, and resources into our dream of designing a personal development business and writing a book together. His in depth knowledge of mythology, physics, and mine of meta-physics, the art of manifesting, ceremony, meditation, and transforming fear were a match made in heaven.

I always considered myself a practical dreamer, but there was no part of me that was being practical in this venture. I believed in our dream so much that I lost myself in it! Things were not moving forward at all. I kept believing in his words even though his physical actions were not matching those words. In November, I woke up to the shock that I was funding a dream that was never going to materialize. I was left holding the financial bag.

The reason that I am sharing my story with you is to encourage any woman who is sensing that she needs to confront an area of her life that is not working well to do so now before the problem gets bigger. In other words....trust your intuition, your gut feelings. They are trying to tell you something. Our feelings and our bodies are our friends, always communicating with us.

I have been a dedicated student of spiritual teaching for most of my life and there is something that I have observed. Those of us who have devoted our lives to our spirituality can easily become blinded. We can get into what we should be doing instead of trusting our inner voice. It is amazingly easy to do. Talk with anyone who has followed a spiritual teacher, cult, or other organization that has used them financially or other way!

These experiences are very humbling but they are also blessing in disguise. They connect us with the rest of humanity! We are not so apt to judge others and are more aware of what they may need in challenging situations. These situations show us that we can move through anything that life brings us and that life is not always what it seems. They show us that life is what happens when we are making other plans and that what matters is not WHAT happens, but HOW we deal with it.

I began to create my own dream as I was grieving the loss of the old one. It gave me focus, direction, energy, meaning, purpose, and rekindled my self - confidence. It was definitely not easy, but it was wise.

In the next five years I see humanity benefiting greatly by the global village that we are becoming. I see people not feeling so alone with their trials and tribulations. I also see the triumphs, love, and generosity multiplying many times because this connection with each other is raising the consciousness and vibration of the entire planet. We are not isolated as individuals or countries any more.

The fact that we are interconnected will continue to be reinforced by our trials as well as our victories. This is a good thing, a healing thing, and a gift to be acknowledged and used by us all. I encourage all of you to share your stories with one another and look for the gold in them...the enchantment. Share them from your heart and watch what happens as the consciousness of the planet continues to rise in love.

Daina Puodziunas
Daina Puodziunas (Dinah - Midlife Fairy Godmother) helps women become their own midlife fairy godmothers. She has been passionately helping self aware, spiritually focused, fun loving women move past obstacles to an enchanted life her entire life. Midlife Magic For Second Half Bliss is a five step formula she offers through life coaching, telephone and in person workshops, speaking engagements and articles. Visit her website at


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