How To Clear Your Love Clutter
by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway
gonna wash that man right outta my hair … and send him
on his way."
--from South Pacific
Want to find new romance … a soul mate … the love
of your life? The first step to finding the right
partner is becoming the right partner, and the first
step to transforming ourselves and getting ready for
love is by getting rid of anything – and sometimes,
anyone – who stands in your way of becoming all you
can be in a relationship.
In opening to soulful love, we are required to take
personal responsibility for putting our lives in order
for a relationship. It requires preparing body, mind and
being, as well as literally creating the space for love
to enter. You have to be committed to bringing order
into your life on ALL LEVELS -- physical, psychic,
emotional, financial, and spiritual.
So get ready to roll up your sleeves and get to work.
Your mission is to ditch the things that will get in
your way of being able to be fully present with a new
To accomplish this, you must go down to the basement
of old relationship baggage and then poke around the
attic of broken-heartedness of the past. You have to
look at the places – physical, emotional, spiritual
– that still keep you tethered to the past.
Why cleaning love clutter is important
It may seem contrary to clean up love clutter, yet
also embrace the concept that soul mate love has its own
schedule and the journey is filled with great mysteries
and questions – that it can be necessarily rushed. But
imbedded in this journey must be the trust that somehow,
when the time is right and you are ready, you will know
that true love will appear. It’s just that if you have
too much love junk from the past in your life, you may
not be able to recognize true love when it comes to your
For example, if you house is filled with mementos and
reminders of lovers past and/or love gone awry, it is
very difficult to focus on a fresh start in a positive
relationship with someone new. You may not even be aware
of the subtle influence it exerts in your love life if
you live with constant reminders of love’s
disappointments, pains, or even overt reminders of love’s
better days. For example, you may have loved your first
husband or wife, and shared great passion in the
king-sized brass bed from your first marriage that you
got in the divorce, but do you realize that every time
you lay down at night you are still sleeping with you
ex. Energetically, spiritually and subconsciously that
person is lying right beside you. And they will hop in
the bed with you and any new person you bring to it.
Similarly, there are certain clutter patterns around
the house that interfere with your love life. Feng Shui
expert and Soulful living columnist, Nancilee Wydra,
writes in her book, Look Before You Love,
that a cluttered closet can keep love at bay … or too
much "stuff" in what would be considered the
"love corner’ of your house can also wreak havoc
on romance. I think you get the point.
You may not want to throw out all your furniture or
get rid of valuable items, but you can sell things that
no longer serve you, rearrange things that can be moved
around and put others away into storage for safe
keeping. Even just getting reminders out of daily site
will help lots in your mission to un-clutter your love
As you engage in the process of clearing away love
clutter, keep in mind that nothing that came before was
a waste or a failure. Everything you have done up
until this moment in time has been preparing you for
your true love. Every relationship that didn’t work,
and every heartbreak you’ve known or felt responsible
for, is part of the building blocks to true love. Rather
than harboring any regrets over romance past,
congratulate yourself for surviving love’s battlefield
and for still being willing to open your heart!
Gently Release the Past
To begin the process of gentle release and letting
go, identify that which stands in the way of letting
soul love in. This includes unsuitable relationships and
unsuitable ties to old flames (you know the ones!). Let
yourself mourn what you must leave behind -- an
important process, even if you are leaving a very alive
lover! -- And then you can move on. Make a list if you
must. Or just clarify in your mind what you know is
detrimental to a healthy love life.
There is a very specific spiritual law that states,
"Nature abhors a vacuum." Get rid of something
and something new can come in. All of the worlds
religions have specific ways to release the old -- from
body, mind and spirit -- and there is a reason for this:
If your life is too cluttered or filled up with
"stuff", if your house is messy or your mind
is disorganized, if you are not honoring your body or
your spirit, it very hard to feel connected to your own
divine nature and therefore it is difficult to create a
life of your choosing.
When your life is messy or brimming with extra
baggage or exs, the people and situations that show up
in your life often mirror it. You may have done much
work to heal your heart and home and life, but if you
are still occasionally being intimate with an old love
that is so not right for you, it can hold
up your whole process of finding your soul mate. This is
because people stay linked to us, energetically, even if
they are not physically around us much. And, because
like attracts like. So if you are sleeping with your ex
even just once a year, or are unresolved in that
relationship, the person who shows up in your life with
romance in mind will often also have ties to others that
make him or her not quite ready, or simply unavailable,
for true soul love!
This is the time to at least start to rethink your
romantic game plan and slowly work your way toward
transforming -- or releasing the relationships that are
not soulful or right for you any longer.
I find that the best bet for a fresh start is to make
symbolic gestures in the physical realm and then work
your way into a more playful and esoteric arena of
positive thoughts and affirmations and creating things
that evoke a sense of possibility for a great
relationship. Clearing the decks of dreck and
disarray will help you create a healthy foundation for
your life. And then, a healthy foundation in your life
will help you create the space for your soul mate to
come in. These things take time. Be gentle with yourself
but start somewhere!
How to Wash That Man or Woman Out of Your Heart
You might want to consider asking a like-minded
friend to buddy-up with you on this process, and create
a system of mutual support. Or have a number of friends
come over for a big house cleaning party or even a
dinner party for moral support. If you are a loner, then
dig in and have fun. But if you work better with the
support of others, don’t be afraid to reach out. And
for each good clean-up deed, reward yourself – with a
nice meal, a warm bubble bath, and time out to go to
Try some of these "Love Clutter Clearing"
- Start with one drawer … then a closet … next a
whole room. Rampage through your physical space, one
step at a time, as a symbolic gesture of cleaning up
your life and making room for love. Take a big black
garbage bag -- or 10! --And dump things. Give anything
you don’t need any more to the Garbage Goddess or to
- Let go of memorabilia from old, failed
relationships. This includes anything that ties you
inappropriately to the past, or to a love affair that is
long over. Naturally you want to save anything that is
valuable or sacred, but pack it up and place it in
storage -- at least for now. You should not be looking
at pictures of your old loves on the mantle, or stuff
that reminds you of them, while trying to get ready for
- Make cleaning up your life fun. Play music, such as
"I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta Hair,"
and dance around as you ditch the old and make room for
- Write an elimination list -- thoughts, items,
relationships, "things" you know are in the
way of your soulful love success. Things you choose to
release or transform for the highest good.
- When you are ready to let these things go, do a
simple release ritual -- burn, flush or bury the list.
It will alert your subconscious mind – and the gods
and goddesses – that you mean business.
Of course, the next steps after release are to
clarify what you seek in a relationship. But once you
have cleared away some of the debris of old
relationships that would otherwise be standing in your
way, you are getting closer to being ready for your soul
mate. Somehow, in the universal scheme of things, I
believe that it will help you meet that person half way.
Letting go of the old will bring you closer to the love
you desire. The intention to make one’s life more
magnificent is the greatest way to attract a soul mate.
You can get more wonderful tips on clearing love
clutter, getting ready for love and attracting your soul
mate in Rev. Laurie Sue’s new book, A Goddess Is A
Girl’s Best Friend: A Divine Guide To Finding Love,
Success and Happiness (due out from Perigee Books,
December 2002) as well as her new e-mail course
© Copyright 2002 Reverend Laurie Sue Brockway All Rights
Reverend Laurie Sue's Past Columns:
2002 - "How to Mourn a Broken Heart and Lost
2002 - "Relationships That Nurture and Inspire
Growth of the Soul
2002 - "Finding Peace in a Turbulent World"
2002 - "Sacred Sexuality For Modern Men and
2002 - "When Someone You Love Pushes Your Buttons"
2002 - "When Life Has You Down, Remember You Are
2002 - "Plan a Valentine's Day Team Date"
2002 - "Do I Hear Him Knocking … From the Other
2001 - "How Do We Make Our Love Dreams Come True?"
2001 - "What is the Future of Love?"
2001 - "Getting to Know
the Goddess of Good Fortune"
2001 - "Can't Hurry Love... It Will Happen in Its Right Moment"
2001 - "Family Rituals Help Us Grow Into Loving Beings"
2001 - "Dreams Warn It’s Time To Own Your Power"
2001 - "A Fun Visual of Your Favorite Romance"
May 2001 - "Someday
Your Mystical Soul Mate Will Come"
2001 - "Enjoy the Merriment and Fun of An Ancient Love
2001 - "Nourish Yourself On a Date for One"
2001 - "Get Ready for Soulful Love"
Reverend Laurie Sue Brockway is an author,
teacher and contemporary clergy person who specializes
in matters of the heart and soul. As an ordained
interfaith minister and non-denominational wedding
officiant, it is her honor to regularly marry couples in
Prior to becoming a minister she enjoyed a successful
and colorful 20 years in media as a widely published
journalist, editor and author of several books on
relationships and romance—as well as being a noted
spokesperson on those topics. She was editor-in-chief of
two national magazines and several regional
publications, and her articles have been published
around the world and in many newspapers and national
magazines, such as the NY Daily News, The
Washington Post, Women’s News, New Woman,
Ladies’ Home Journal and Child.
She evolved years of specialized reporting in the field
of male-female relationship dynamics into a more
spiritual pursuit that led her to train to be an
interfaith minister, and then establish her wedding
ministry along with a number of popular relationship
enhancement programs. Her wedding ministry is based in
She is also dedicated to bringing about a deeper
awareness and understanding of the Divine Feminine. As a
graduate of The New Seminary in NYC, the world’s
premier seminary for interfaith ministers, she was
educated and trained in the tenants, spiritual practice
and worship of many faiths. She became a specialist in
the feminine aspects of God in all the world’s
religions. Today, she is widely recognized as a
minister, teacher and scribe specializing in women’s
spirituality and The Divine Feminine from an interfaith
and all-inclusive perspective. She is on the
board of directors of World Light Fellowship, heading up
their Feminine Faces of God programs, and is
Founder of Our Mother’s House.
Long devoted to helping women access the "Goddess Within," she is currently
working on two books that bring the wisdom of ancient archetypes to modern
women. Her newest book, A Goddess Is a Girl's Best Friend, is due out from
Perigee Books in December 2002.