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Marilyn Kentz

Crying Over Kevin Costner:
A Sure Sign that I'm Out of Balance

By Marilyn Kentz

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Trying to find balance during hormone fluctuation can be a real challenge. The “b” word is so out of wac, everyone else is affected by it. PMS can put the whole family on full tilt.  At least that’s at a predictable time of the month and smart people can get out of the way. But I’m in menopause and like heavy thunderclouds on a hot sultry day; you never know when and where lightning will strike -- you just know it will. When my hormones are out of balance, I just tell my husband, “We’re gonna fight - you pick the topic!” And that’s just for starters.

Not Your Mother's Midlife by Nancy Alspaugh and Marilyn Kentz

Some people find balance through homeopathic avenues. Some rely on nature’s gifts. I am not a wild yam kind of girl. Natural to me means neutral. No potato is going to make me calm and balanced. No, I want drugs. I want my hormones back! I don’t care what chemicals it takes to do it, but damnit -- I want to be a nice, reliable, steady person! I WANT MY H.R.T... but I don’t want it to give me cancer.  But my skin looks sooo much better when I take it. Cancer? Nice skin. Heart attack? Nice Skin. Hard choices.

My family can always tell when my hormones are running out of gas. Come time to change the patch, I cry, then rage, then cry over nothing/everything!  For example, the other day I was casually watching Biography. The show that day was on Kevin Costner. Normally, I would be barely paying attention; listening every once in a while as I do menial household tasks, like folding laundry. This time -- right in the middle of a nice, smooth tri-fold bath towel -- something hooked me. Something in the biographer’s tone was bugging me. He started off all fine and perky talking about what a hottie Costner was and waxing poetically about all the buzz he created after he made “Field of Dreams”, “Bull Durham” and “Dances with Wolves”. They were saying that he was on fire; that Kevin Costner sure had one hell of a heyday. Maybe it’s the word heyday that sent me spinning. Or was it the word “had”? Do we only get ONE heyday?? According to the biographer, YES. He said something like “Here’s where Costner made his vital mistake: ‘WATER WORLD’.”  He expounded on how bad that was, “What a serious blunder Costner made.” “Changed his career.” “No one would have anything to do with him.” As it began to take and even more viscous tone, for reasons only other menopausal women can explain, I began to cry. I really felt bad for Kevin Costner. My husband popped his head in, frightened, yet curious as to why the tears. I sniveled, “He was trying as hard as he could...”  “Who was trying?” I tearfully spat, “Kevin Costner. He made a mistake. So what? We all make mistakes.” Now, my husband knows that I normally could care less about Kevin Costner. He stared at my pitiful, wet face for a minute, then finally said, “Yeah, but what about The Postman?”  I went hysterical in defense of stupid Kevin Costner. Finally my husband asked, “What’s the number for the pharmacy? I’ll pick you up your new patch, honey.”

Mock me if you will, but for me, balance is all about the latest state-of–the-art designer drugs for the hormonally challenged. And my family totally concurs.

© Copyright Marilyn Kentz 2005. All Rights Reserved.

Marilyn Kentz
Marilyn Kentz is the outspoken brunette of the well known comedy duo "The Mommies". Her original stage show led to an NBC sitcom, which led to a cable Ace Nominated Showtime Comedy Special, which brought about the ABC Talk show “Caryl and Marilyn: Real Friends”. In addition to her work in television, Marilyn is an accomplished artist as well as an author - books include To Know Me Is To Love Me (Practical Press) with Lynn Lott and Dru West, The Mother Load (HarperCollins) with Caryl Kristensen, Not Your Mother's Mid-life: A Ten Step Guide to Fearless Aging (Andrews McMeel) with Nancy Alspaugh, Fearless Women: Midlife Journeys (Stewart, Tabori, Chang) with Nancy Alspaugh and photographer Mary Ann Halpin.




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