Soul of Love
by Judith Sherven, Ph.D. & James Sniechowski, Ph.D.
To be in relationship is to open to the hidden streams
of feeling and intuition in each other, the unconscious
shiftings that take us into areas of our individual and
joined being that are beyond our imagination. These are
soul stirrings that beckon from the other side of what
We see the soul not as a container but as a beacon,
sometimes intense, sometimes a whisper, sometimes a
demand, sometimes a tease, animated by a desire to bring
us even closer by pointing out the way as well as what
is in the way.
As a married couple of fifteen years we still have
regular, long and intimate conversations, scheduled or
spontaneous, during which we listen not just to
ourselves and each other but to what is alive between
us. We explore and witness that which makes us different
from each other, the particularities that make us each
who we really are, and marvel at how two distinct points
of view co-create a third, the unity that is our
This is not necessarily pain-free. When inspired by
the movements of the soul, love finds some of its
deepest courage in seeking out old wounds, unforgotten
slights, insecurities and fears, all of that within us
that yearns to be loved and to be whole. When allowed to
come to the surface, the unresolved pain is embraced and
set free by the love we have evolved over the sixteen
years we've been together, a love built upon respect for
our differences, trust and willingness to go wherever
our souls lead us, and a determination to provide for
our own and each other's well-being.
We also delight in the soul as a wellspring of joy.
We live in the country and very often, even in the
winter, we take long walks along our winding road. We
both know those moments when one of us catches a glimpse
of the other unawares, nothing covering, just pure,
unveiled radiance, and are filled with sweet feeling
just to know that we are together.
The soul is also a window onto the universe. We
attempt to stay conscious of not just the material
universe spanning light-years and plunging to
unimaginable depths inward. But also of the soul's
weaving into an unceasing hum the innumerable
relationships between all levels of life. That vibrating
lattice of being that we do not see but feel is there,
cannot put into words but sense as the underlying
support of all that is.
That window opened for us just the other evening.
Glistening across the fifteen inches of snow that
covered the land, the full moon cast its moonshadows in
every direction. The landscape was a lacework of dark
tracings that resembled the patterns on our handmade
Chinese bedspread. The similarities were unmistakable.
We stood spellbound in the presence of the Oneness that
emanates from All That Is and abides in all that is. It
is an awesome experience to be aware of how we are
embedded in this life and in one another and yet remain
well-defined as individuals, each seeing in the other
themselves and in themselves the other.
We look for those moments in our daily lives when the
soul peeks out and we make a point of calling them to
each other's attention. We delight in sharing them
because they are part of the magic of being alive, a
magic that is expressed in the teeming variety we see
around us, what we call the magic of differences, as
that variety gives evidence of the Oneness.
It is only through the depth of love that the soul
enjoins us to develop that we can feel loved through and
through for all that we are and all that we are still to
be. It is only through the wisdom of the soul that we
can transcend the need to control and open our hearts to
the truth and beauty that each of us brings to what we
share. And only then can we sincerely say to each other,
"I love living with you!"
Copyright 2002 Judith Sherven, Ph.D. & James
Sniechowski, Ph.D. All
Drs. Judith Sherven & Jim Sniechowski, husband-and-wife psychology
team are the
bestselling authors of Be Loved for Who You Really Are
(Renaissance Books, 2001). Visit their website at www.thenewintimacy.com.
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